Category Archives: Wellness

All the Times I Felt Unworthy: My Journey to the Heart of Women’s Wellness

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How many times have I felt unworthy?

Let me count the ways…

 

 

Body Image Starts in Childhood

Once when I was very young, another little girl compared the size of her thighs to mine. I never thought about how my dense, muscular legs were larger than most girls but suddenly it was plain as day.

That one brief interaction stripped me of my body image innocence. I’m not sure if it started then or later, but I spent my childhood and teenage years feeling self-conscious in shorts and skirts, and preferred to sit with a pillow or sweater on my lap at social events during warm weather.

The Harmful Normalization of Narrow Beauty Standards

Shortly after I hit puberty, I found myself sitting on the opposite side of a desk from a middle-aged, male orthodontist. He tried to convince me that I should get braces because my teeth were slightly off-center from the midline of my face.

I can still remember how he tried to pierce my presumed ego and insecurities at the same time, telling me that I had a pretty face and who knows – maybe I would want to be a model some day with that face?

“If you want to be a model one day you’re going to need to have a straight smile because modeling is all about symmetry. You don’t see models with crooked teeth,” he warned despite the fact that I never once shared any appearance concerns or career aspirations with him.

I’ve never once wanted to be a model.

(Remember the thick legs? I already knew it was out of the question anyway.)

I’m proud of my younger self for her righteous anger and standing firm in the convinction that she was fine without braces. But, if I’m being honest, I remember not wanting them because I was scared that wearing braces would make me “less pretty.”

 

The Damage Inflicted by People in Authority in Places of Trust

I was “acting out” because I refused to sit silently through Sunday school lessons taught by a man who was discussing sexual topics from the Bible in a way that was making the girls in the class visibly uncomfortable, seemingly to his amusement. I could tell he was being inappropriate even if he wasn’t outwardly trying to assault someone.

Church leaders who weren’t there to observe his perverted instruction assumed that I was the one with an issue since I was speaking up about it, as though my experience must count worth less because of being young and female.

Trauma Takes Its Toll

I was hit by a car when I was in my early twenties. I experienced chronic back pain and instability for years and my PTSD, insomnia, and physical job were contributing to inflammation. Physically healing from the accident was grueling and long, but the recovery that was just as significant was that of my self worth.

My identity and feelings of worth were the biggest casualties from the accident. Both hung on by a thread as my exercise options became limited and I overate in response to stress. I never imagined that gaining ~15 pounds could make me feel so devastated about life at large. I went into a career in fitness to help people improve health and feel good in their bodies only to realize how much of my own self-esteem’s foundation lay squarely in my apperance. 

 

Broken Medical Systems & The Loneliness Epidemic

The accident in my early twenties would have plummeted me into medical bankruptcy were it not for my parents coming to my aid. I couldn’t afford my own healthcare and didn’t have any paid time off from work as a commission-based fitness professional, so I had to take unpaid leave to recover.

I’ve never felt more lonely, undersupported, and fearful in my entire life. As it turns out, there are many things that can contribute to feeling unworthy including loneliness and limited resources for support.

Damned if You Do, Damned if You Don’t

After I gave birth to my first child, I decided to let go of a business dream and stay at home to breastfeed and raise my son. I planned to keep pursuing part-time “alternative” career options, but the lack of a traditional career and formal title did something shocking to me.

I was overwhelmed and humbled by how quickly I fell from relevance in conversations at social gatherings and even in discussions at holidays with family. I became less visible. I took up less space. I became secondary in value to the breadwinners and people advancing along the corporate ladder.

I realized the sobering truth that women lose value in “a man’s world” when they don’t have a traditional career. At the same time, women working full-time jobs are judged for tasks they can’t complete at home due to career pressures.

Women are expected to do it all and do it perfectly to gain applause for a job well done in our culture. This is toxic to women across all career and family choices and paths. It places a woman’s worth beyond her abilities and beyond where it truly resides (within herself).

 

Fertility Struggles and Stigma

I experienced one pregnancy loss prior to the pandemic and knew that it wasn’t out of the realm of possibility to happen again, but I never thought that it actually would. I also didn’t imagine that any loss I might endure would be a late loss following a poor prenatal diagnosis amid a novel pandemic.

When I woke up following a routine pregnancy loss removal for second trimester losses, I was told that I had experienced an unexpected emergency that resulted in a life-saving surgery. To this day, I have a four-inch vertical scar down my abdomen that I can’t stand the sight of. And yet…I’ve come to accept it. To be honest, I will never be okay with my scar cosmetically, but I wholeheartedly embrace everything it taught me.

I experienced so much shame, grief and despair following that loss that I felt like I had suddenly lost the whole of myself. My lingering feelings of overwhelm about the complicated pregnancy were amplified when I looked out into the mainstream and witnessed hostile political debates, harmful language from people in my faith, and damaging black and white judgements cast on women sitting in challenging medical situations and life changing circumstances.

One thing that continues to jump out at me is that women are the sole targets in all of the harmful finger pointing about reproductive rights, abortions, miscarriges, infertility, and more. We are the ones who shoulder the weight of these trials and the shame, blame, and judgement of society. Women are the ones whose value lessens in the eyes of society when fertility circumstances don’t go as hoped and planned.

Reclaiming Worth

I’m a woman of privilege and fortunate circumstances, but I still feel the constant battle within myself against cultural narratives that feed us lies about what makes women valuable, desirable, good, productive, and worthy. I’m guessing that women in less fortunate circumstances and with other kinds of trauma struggle with feeling worthy too. I’m guessing that feeling unworthy is a battle for the many women who have been physically abused, raped, manipulated, harrassed, paid less than they deserve, told they are inferior to their husbands, judged for their body size, and more.

As a wellness professional for many years, I have noticed firsthand how hundreds of women struggle with deep, unnamed insecurities regardless of outward success, health, or appearances. I’ve had the privilege of working with our nation’s leaders and some of the most successful professionals in Washington, DC, but no amount of money or prestige takes away from the damage of feeling undersupported and judged as a woman.

According to data, nearly half of all women worldwide struggle with self doubt. When I sit with this truth, I realize that there are both simple and complex solutions to address this.

The first, simple step begins with reinforcing that “Every Woman is Worthy” so that women are empowered to name and claim their inherent worth. The next, more complicated steps are in how we approach and support women on an individual basis, person to person. When we take care of individual women’s complex and myriad needs in real and compassionate ways then we pave the way for collective healing and send the cultural message that women are worthy and deserving of both bottom-up and top-down justice.

 

 

My Solution to Help Women Know Their Worth

I’m very excited to announce that I have launched a new business called Every Woman is Worthy™ to address the individual and collective harm done to women’s wellness by the cultural narrative that a woman’s worth is something to be proven or achieved. The idea started as a new slogan for my longstanding blog, WellnessWinz, and evolved over the course of a year and a half into a brand all its own…

Every Woman is Worthy™

Every Woman is Worthy™ is a brand on a mission to elevate women through inspired products and intentional actions.

Every Woman is Worthy™ offers inspirational products featured in wearable and giftable collections to spread its empowering and healing message. Our products are made on demand with responsible manufacturing partners to reduce waste, offset shipping CO2 emissions, utilize fabric scraps, use recycled materials for mail polymers, and more.

Every Woman is Worthy™ emphasizes people over profits and would not be complete without our mission; Intentional Actions.

In a world that seldom offers real-time, hands-on support for women, we’re here to motivate people to show up with compassion and assistance. This doesn’t have to cost anything but an open heart and a little bit of time. Think of us as your accountability buddy to address a real and pressing need that you see in a woman’s life (or even your own).

There are many more details about our products and mission directly on the site: https://everywomanisworthy.com/ and you can follow along here or on instagram: @everywomanisworthy

The conversation is just beginning with #everywomanisworthy. Women from all around the globe are resonating with this message already. It’s SO exciting to imagine a future where women know their worth and are better supported!

Yours in health and wellness,

Maggie

The Importance of Spiritual Wellness for People from all Faith Backgrounds

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People use the phrase “mind, body, spirit” all the time. We acknowledge that an equilibrium of these three dimensions is foundational for our thriving and wellness, and yet we give very little attention to the spirit. Our energies are poured into exercise, nutrition, mindfulness, meditation, and even therapy, but tending to the spirit feels unfamiliar and intangible, especially in the many hours spent living beyond the walls of religious institutions.

The idea that spiritual wellness is tied exclusively to places and rituals of formal religious groups is a notion that keeps many people afraid of diving deeper into spiritual exploration. There are an overwhelming number of people who have experienced some form of church abuse or disillusionment, and who cast aside their spiritual needs thinking that if they are unchurched or unsure of their religious affiliations that spiritual wellness is something unattainable or irrelevant, but this couldn’t be farther from the truth.

 

 

I’m one of the lucky ones. I was raised in a healthy religious community by parents who gave me a stable foundation but also allowed me the freedom to think critically and explore my own beliefs. For this reason, I’ve felt comfortable contemplating what spiritual wellness means to me within the context of my own faith while also considering its importance and application to people from diverse backgrounds.

These are some questions I’ve sat with over the years and that have guided my journey for clearer answers:

Is spiritual wellness the same for people from different spiritual belief systems?

Does spiritual wellness require identifying with a specific religion or is a person still able to pursue it if they’re temporarily (or permanently) disaffiliated from a formal place of worship?

Is spiritual wellness attained by adhering to specific daily practices or is there flexibility to engage in different aspects of spirituality depending on the circumstances?

Is spiritual wellness best achieved alone or in community? In quiet meditation or group worship and prayer?

How and why is spiritual wellness relevant for atheists and non-religious individuals?

The answers I have found are not elitist or exclusive. They come from many years spent studying wellness and striving to better understand and educate others about it. In the simple diagram below you will see the various main components of spiritual wellness including morals & values, prayer, community, compassion, beliefs, meditation, private contemplation, and service.

 

 

Each of these eight aspects of spiritual wellness are important for a person’s well-being; however, each person will find that they gravitate towards certain expressions of spiritual wellness more than others. For example, an atheist might be more drawn to compassion or service over prayer. A Christian might pour more energy into prayer and community than meditation. A Buddhist might practice meditation and private contemplation more than community. A Hindu devoted to practicing Ashtanga is potentially and uniquely engaged in all of the components of spiritual wellness, or is at least encouraged to pursue them.

It’s okay to spend more energy in one area of spiritual wellness over another, and what we focus on or need is likely to ebb and flow throughout life. The important thing is to recognize that ALL of these eight components are fulfilling to humans and aid us in spiritual meaning and growth. Also, despite some beliefs to the contrary, each of these components is applicable across religious and non-religious belief systems.

 

 

There are some Christians who believe meditation is sinful because it allows the mind to wander and be tempted by “the evil one,” but meditation can be practiced in a Christ-honoring way, focusing the mind on the Cosmic Christ’s love, peace and light within. Similarly, atheists might feel that prayer is ridiculous because they don’t believe in a higher power, but prayer can come in the form of communicating with creation (“Dear Universe”), privately and intentionally confessing one’s overwhelm or needs, or saying a prayer directed towards expressing love and learning from one’s ancestors or hope and healing for future generations. In this way, you begin to see how each component is important even if a bit unfamiliar or uncomfortable.

I want you to consider how the components of spiritual wellness work within your own life. I invite you to ponder which areas could use more growth, which ones intimidate you (and why), and which ones feel most organic for how you desire to live with purpose.

Lastly, I encourage you to lean gently in the direction of what puts you out of your comfort zone. I believe wholeheartedly this is where we are invited to grow the most in unexpected and beautiful ways that foster greater spiritual wellness and mind/body/spirit health.

 

 

I hope that putting spiritual wellness into a tangible framework and terms helps you focus on it in more meaningful and holistic ways. All of our souls are thirsty, but they can be quenched and live life to the fullest.

The world is in dire need of more people who recognize and recommit to living a spiritual life. Will you be one of them?

Yours in health and wellness,

Maggie

 

 

 

My Plan to Reduce Toxic Masculinity and Improve Women’s Health

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I turned to my husband one evening recently in tears. It wasn’t about any one thing in particular. Rather, I was crying about ALL the things afflicting women over the last few years. To name a few:

      • increased rates of domestic violence
      • declining rates of women in the workplace following the pandemic combined with overall lower pay
      • the formula shortage and lack of support for women to breastfeed at work
      • the overturning of Roe v. Wade and all the ramifications that ruling has for women’s reproductive health at large, and more.

The overwhelm of it all combined with my postpartum fatigue to push me past my limit.

Tears began to flow as anxiety and fear for my infant daughter’s future reached a peak.  I remember saying to my husband something along the lines of “It’s not right! None of this is okay! I’m SO sick of this – not just for me but for every woman out there, especially the ones who aren’t even aware that these issues WILL touch their lives at some point.”

After I spoke the words out loud it dawned on me that all of these issues are connected to unfair gender stereotypes, female oppression, and toxic masculinity. Toxic masculinity is defined as “cultural norms associated with men that are harmful to society and to men themselves.”

The traits of toxic masculinity include:

      • mental and physical toughness
      • aggression
      • stoicism, or not displaying emotion
      • discrimination against people who aren’t heterosexual
      • self-sufficiency
      • emotional insensitivity

Please allow me to share my experiences and explain why toxic masculinity affects each of the aforementioned issues that harm women’s wellness…

 

 

Domestic Violence

I first learned about domestic violence at the beginning of high school through a program that educated youth about which peer-to-peer actions fall under sexual harassment, sexual assault, and rape. The group performed a series of short skits to demonstrate real life scenarios and how to handle them from both a male and female perspective. The education was of the utmost importance and, unfortunately, it was already delivered too late.

Throughout middle school I can recall countless instances of being between 11-13 years old and verbally harassed or physically assaulted through unwelcome and inappropriate touches from ignorant boys my own age and grown men. Back in the 1990s when toxic masculinity was arguably at its peak (later leading to the #metoo movement), I was convinced that such actions were uncomfortable forms of flattery and used them to boost my body image confidence. This was an incredibly sad and unhealthy coping mechanism because I didn’t know what else to do.

Shortly after watching the program in high school I signed up to join the group of teens advocating for awareness and action to prevent sexual violence of all kinds. Alongside a few other teens who happened to share my comfort with public speaking, we petitioned the school board to have a modified version of education about sexual violence presented in middle schools. I’m pleased to say that the motion passed.

Unfortunately, programs like the one I was exposed to are few and far between. Leaders I’ve worked with in Washington, DC continue to be swamped with women coming to their non-profits looking for help to escape violent and dangerous situations. These unhealthy relationships create power dynamics and abuse that affect women’s individual and collective wellness, and the future mental and physical health of any children involved.

Trauma is generational and women who suffer abuse under toxic masculinity are more stressed during pregnancy when abuse typically heightens and are at increased risk for poor health outcomes for the fetus. These women are sometimes less able to offer healthy emotional attachment patterns for babies in the first 18 months of life to no fault of their own, leading to long-term mental health and self-image repercussions into adulthood for those children.

One of the keys to getting women out from under the control of abusive partners is to help promote their financial independence so that they can afford to step away from the situation. Despairingly, women’s workforce participation has taken a dramatic downturn due to the pandemic. Coupled with the abysmal gender wage gap, this is a health and wellness crisis that many women are suffering through as we speak.

 

 

Lower Workforce Participation and Wages

Women have been leaving the workplace in scores since the beginning of the pandemic due to increased workload on the job combined with family demands. The pressure on women to perform in both the work and home sectors but with minimal support, lower wages than men, and gender discrimination is abominable.

A lack of work-life balance has resulted in a depressing four in five women reporting that their employers don’t help them create clear boundaries between work and personal time, especially amid the unusual circumstances of the Covid-19 pandemic. Not surprisingly, less than half of women in the workforce are happy about their job situation.

What does toxic masculinity have to do with women in the work force? Just about everything…

Not only does gender discrimination result in lower wages but according to survey data from Deloitte, the majority of working women have experienced “non-inclusive behaviors in work situations over the past year—everything from unwanted physical contact and disparaging remarks about their gender to questions about their judgment.”

I can’t think of anything as toxic as a workplace that suffocates the positive attributes and unique needs that come with being a woman. Men who are domineering seem to forget where the debt of gratitude is owed and whose body shaped their own for nine months. Unfortunately, this lack of respect for all that women do results in poor workplace support for maternity leave, childcare needs, flexible scheduling, breastfeeding/pumping while being a working mother, and more.

 

 

The Formula Shortage and Breastfeeding Hurdles

It pained me to see the effects of toxic masculinity affecting women in the initial days and weeks following the overturning of Roe v. Wade. All the heated debates about women’s bodies and potential future children have been happening parallel to a formula shortage crisis. The women who can least afford to move forward with unplanned pregnancies are also in a position to struggle to pay for nutrition for their babies if they are unable to breastfeed.

Breastfeeding itself is a full-time job and many working mothers understandably struggle to manage its demands alongside their jobs. I understand this firsthand because I gave up some career pursuits years ago when I realized I couldn’t breastfeed and start a business I had planned. It was simply too much for me. I was in a place of privilege where I could afford to step away from the workplace to be with my baby. Many moms can’t afford to lose their income or wouldn’t wish to step away from their careers for a period of time. For these moms, supportive workplaces that allow flexibility and space for nursing/pumping are essential.

The injustice hit me when not only Roe v. Wade was overturned but also a law to protect the breastfeeding/pumping needs of 9 million working moms was shot down by Senate. Did they not get the memo that there is a formula shortage? Do they not know how biology works for nourishing offspring? Do they really think failing to pass a helpful law will enhance women’s workplace commitment and productivity?

I’m left shaking my head.

I’m a breastfeeding mom and woman who has experienced two pregnancy losses and five pregnancies. I can’t help but feel like women just like me are under direct attack by our leaders – and for what? For going through the trials of doing our best to bring healthy little people into this world. It’s absolutely dumbfounding.

The emotional insensitivity and use of power to harm women and children’s health outcomes without question falls under the umbrella of toxic masculinity. The reality of life is that women and children need social support in a myriad of ways that the toxic masculinity mindset of rugged individualism and self-sufficiency fails to meet.

 

 

Women’s Reproductive Health

I learned firsthand what happens when you think you know how your life will play out and usually, reality goes a different way. I was pregnant with my third son when I got a poor prenatal diagnosis at the inception of the pandemic. I openly confess that I was unsure whether I should continue or end my pregnancy.

At the time I had two beautiful sons and had experienced an early pregnancy loss too. I never imagined considering a pregnancy termination but it weighed heavily on me before I lost my child. I wanted to do anything possible to protect my child from pain and suffering. I loved (and still love) the son I lost with all my heart.

With Roe v. Wade overturned I’m horror stricken over the pregnancies that will be forced to term despite being incompatible with life or a myriad of other complications that will result in suffering for the baby and a heightened risk of medical complications for the mom.

As many news sources have cited, the overturning of Roe v. Wade will affect training for medical professionals for both abortions and routine pregnancy losses, enhancing the risk of poor outcomes for women to come. I also lament this reality because during my late pregnancy loss removal I unexpectedly hemorrhaged and was minutes away from my uterus being removed to save my life. If I had been anywhere but a hospital then I likely would have died but instead, I have a four-inch scar on my stomach and a beautiful baby girl.

My story is hard and complicated but it sheds light on the many ways that reproductive choices and care are delicate and nuanced. Most importantly, they are best left between a woman, her medical team, and her faith.

I can’t help but see the ways that Christian nationalism and the rise of toxic masculinity within it has shaped a movement that has its jaws deeply embedded in our messed up, increasingly polarized political and legal systems. Toxic masculinity is behind the cherry picking of biblical texts used out of context to force women into submission, sexual abuse, and inferior roles, and it’s behind the inflexible thinking about reproductive rights that opts for power, control and force instead of compassion, assistance, and mercy.

There are “Godly men” out there saying that women who end their pregnancies should be sentenced to death. I’ve watched the videos of these men defiantly and angrily saying such things. They don’t care that their words alone do great damage to women’s wellness.

These men haven’t sat with an open heart and listened to the complicated stories from women who have endured hardships during years of TTC, being pregnant, enduring loss, and more. These men haven’t seen my tears, heard my sobs, or understood my torment. And they don’t care.

Theirs is a world to be conquered and women to be tamed.

 

 

My Plan to Reduce Toxic Masculinity

My feelings of helplessness kept increasing this summer as one assault after the next against women’s health took its turn. I can’t personally reduce unwanted pregnancies through violent rapes or end domestic violence from behind closed doors. I can’t reach into millions of women’s homes and help them navigate the early days of breastfeeding that are so crucial. I can’t afford to buy formula to help each and every mom in need of her next can. There are so many things I want to do on a grand scale and yet only small steps that I can reasonably take like listening with compassion to women’s abortion stories or donating modest amounts of money to help feed children in need. These small things matter but still leave me yearning for something more that I can do.

Until recently, it didn’t occur to me that there is in fact one HUGE thing I can do…

I can raise my sons well.

I can focus my energy on raising sons who are allowed to be sensitive and who are in touch with their emotions. Sons that grow into men who demonstrate compassion and respect for women as equals. Men who know their own strength but never use it to harm or intimidate others. Men who treat their partners with care. Who approach society and bettering the world with a collective mindset. If these attributes are increasingly displayed through more and more men in the future then they have the power to dismantle oppressive hierarchies and give birth to redemptive healing.

The future of women’s wellness rests on the innocent shoulders of one small boy at a time. It relies on them having safe caregiver attachment relationships. It depends on how they are treated and nurtured through the choppy waters of their emotions and learning how to cope with them. It hinges on them having a healthy sense of worth without arrogance. It needs them to accept and embrace the diverse world we live in and to humbly pause when they feel offended that others don’t agree with their perspectives.

My two sweet sons rely on my patience, energy and effort as their mother. I’m far from perfect but I believe that if I stay mindful and raise them well then those two sets of dark brown eyes looking up at me for guidance will some day look out into a world that is better for their mother, sister, wives, daughters, and friends. That world will undoubtedly be better for men too.

If you believe in collective prayer then I ask you to pray for this future with me.

 

Yours in health and wellness,

Maggie

 

Leaning into Limitations: A New Era of Wellness

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When I initially sat down to write this first article following maternity leave, my infant decided to wake up wailing after no less than five minutes. Eventually, I was able to get through writing the first half. The second day I expected to carve out some time to write was the same day as my youngest’s 6-month check up, which turned into a sick visit because my toddler’s classroom had a Covid exposure. The day got turned upside down from there, masking to grab groceries in the event of a quarantine, picking up test-to-stay kits from my child’s school, and so on. Such is the nature of the season that I’m in as a parent with limited childcare for the summer. This state seems to mirror the pandemic-era world of canceled events, last minute changes in plans, and constant iterations for how we live. All of it leaves me (and I assume many of us) feeling limited.

 

 

No one likes feeling limited, least of all Americans. We are so completely entrenched in our own ideas and plans going exactly as expected that the fast moving trains we set in motion are bound to run off track. But when they do, we fuss and complain. We dig our heels in harder and claim that grit and perseverance are our best assets. The ones that will win us the race, earn us the promotion, get our waistline back, buy us the house, and fill us with full satisfaction. Limitlessness is the dream and beyond the sky is the destination, but we remain forever bound by skin, neediness, hunger, sleep, and a desire for connection.

I’ve worked with not hundreds but thousands of individuals, some in depth and some more surface level. I’ve witnessed nearly every one of them (and myself) pine for achievement, a sense of completion, and – most noteworthy – the ability to do more. The opposite of living limited. The bedrock of Western culture in a word is MORE. Consumerism is defined by more, as is the fitness industry in which I have spent many years of my professional career. More reps. More sets. More weights. More distance. More speed. More strength.

Even places of worship are tempted into the deliciousness of “more” by trying to gain additional members and achieve greater things in the name of their God. As a woman of faith, I see a great danger emerging as certain Christian denominations and groups threaten America’s collective wellness with their desire for more power and control. The entire crisis of the war in Ukraine has been driven by one individual’s bloodthirsty desire for more – more land, control, power, dominance, and fear. The poison of more even impacts gun violence. Automatic weapons are especially deadly because of the greater potential number of victims in each assault on human life. And so it would seem, this thirst and hunger for more is quite universal but perhaps, when we sit with its reality, we can see how dangerous it is. Not just for dictators and fringe extremists but for all of us.

For the past half year I’ve been tending to the needs of my third child in the first months of her life. I’m constantly feeling the pressure of “more.” I wish I could divide myself into five parts at once – one of me to tend to my oldest child, one for my middle child, another for the breastfeeding babe, one for my work, and another to collapse in a heap of exhaustion and *finally* get that nap that I so desperately need. But I too am bound by my own skin. My own limitations. God, help me to accept them.

 

 

The problem isn’t that we are limited creatures in this existence. The problem is that we resist limitations even when they are a part of our very makeup. Denying them and trying to play the more, more, more game breaks us. Yes, we hear stories about executives who start at the bottom and work 20 hour days to make it big and athletes who train eight hours a day year round to win the Olympics (I just watched the “Untold: Caitlyn Jenner” documentary on Netflix), but let’s face it – none of us can outrun the exhaustion forever. There is always a price to pay either mentally or physically. Sometimes we can recalibrate and reverse the damage and other times, it leaves its mark.

Pushing myself past the limit always follows the same pattern:

Life gets busy yet I pressure myself to do even more during already maxed-out daily schedules. The overwhelm of this traps me in a state of anxiety which only serves to drive me forward harder and faster, more determined to get everything done quickly – and done well. My body enters into sympathetic nervous system overdrive, feeling on edge, hyper and anxious most hours of the day. Eventually, an acute stressor enters the equation such as something traumatic happening in the nation or world or my toddler bringing home a nasty virus. This added mental or physical stress is enough to tip my system past its breaking point and I burn out and crash (usually with a head cold).

Do you have a vicious cycle too? One where you know you’re past your limits but keep pushing anyway?

Time and maturity have helped me identify this harmful pattern of pretending and trying to do more than I can. I’m not perfect at avoiding or fixing it though. It’s a gradual process and I constantly have to remind myself that the rat race and nose-to-the-grindstone mentality are no way to live in true wellness. Both tear down the individual and the collective in very tangible and harmful ways. I find myself in a much healthier place when I openly and lovingly acknowledge my limitations.

 

 

Here are a few things that limit me:

Breastfeeding all three of my children has limited me for the better part of the past decade. It’s time consuming, forces me to slow down, and means that I opt for less help with childcare for the first year of their lives due to the frequency of nursing and sub-optimal pumping output in substitute of direct breastfeeding.

My back limits me. I used to be a marathoner but I was hit by a car while riding my bike in DC and ever since have dealt with ongoing spinal instability. Long mileage doesn’t work with my body anymore and I have to heavily favor foam rolling and strength training despite wishing I could run days upon days in a row without issue.

My scar limits me. It’s from an emergency C-section from a pregnancy loss and then the planned C-section for my third child. The underlying tissue is still healing and I’m actively working to keep the fascia from forming tight adhesions that could some day cause me problems. This whole process sets off the instability in my back. The visual scar challenges me mentally and emotionally in many ways too, although less than it used to.

The list is longer but you get the idea. We all have things that challenge us to slow down or do things differently than we would ideally choose to. Again, that’s okay. This is human. Normal. The thing that’s NOT okay is allowing our limitations to steal our joy or question our worth, and yet so many people fall prey to these fear-based mentalities, as though not being able to do more means our inherent value is less. But that’s a lie.

 

 

I cope best with my limitations when I remind myself that I’m enough as I am – and that I’m not all things. Sometimes, it can help to run through a list in your head or write down all the traits you possess and are proud of while also making note of a few things you’re not the best at but beat yourself up about. If you do this, I would ask you to thoughtfully sit with the things you feel guilt, frustration, anxiety, or sadness about and consider if you might be able and willing to accept them with love or let them go in such a way that they can’t allow you to feel shame anymore.

Living limited can lead to a beautiful and flourishing wellness. When I embrace living this way I’m able to breathe deeply and rest peacefully. My priorities become clearer and I let go of the voices in my head threatening to measure my worth based on productivity and accomplishment. In the next few months I will share with you all what one of those crystal clear priorities is and how it’s taking shape but for now, let’s part ways after repeating these affirmations a few times silently:

 

My limitations are where I can find my strength.

My worth is not based on appearances or output.

I am enough.

I am not all things. And that’s okay.

I can find peace in the moment.

 

Yours in health and wellness,

Maggie

 

How to Manage Chronic Fatigue with Exercise

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I’ve long preached that exercise is a double-edged sword. It can help or hurt our bodies depending on an individual’s health status at the time of exercise combined with the mode and intensity of the workout. We must remain mindful of how and when we workout, especially when battling fatigue. When used improperly, exercise can be EXTREMELY harmful for a person battling chronic fatigue syndrome.

Data shows us that women suffer from chronic fatigue syndrome far more than men. So, let’s explore how to identify if you’re suffering from regular fatigue or chronic fatigue syndrome, and then what kind of exercise is appropriate under each circumstance. Every woman is worthy of feeling healthy. Let’s make sure we equip ourselves – and each other – for this worthwhile endeavor.

(Please be patient while the video loads – thanks!)

For more videos and content while I’m on maternity leave, you’re welcome to follow along on Instagram:

Yours in health and wellness,

Maggie

Every Woman is Worthy

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Out with the old and in with the new!

I’m excited to (verbally) introduce the new slogan for WellnessWinz: Every Woman is Worthy!

In the video below, I dive into why this slogan gets to the core of wellness and the heart of the site’s content over the past seven years. Included in our discussion are the four aspects of wellness covered through long-form content on WellnessWinz – physical wellness, emotional/mental wellness, spiritual wellness, and most recently, social wellness. There are a handful of other dimensions of wellness that are important such as occupational, intellectual, creative, environmental and financial, but I will leave other more qualified experts to dive into those.

So, for now…let’s explore what “Every Woman is Worthy” means, how judgement of the self and others holds us back, and why living this message out is so important for women from diverse backgrounds.

(Ps – An alternative to watching me through the whole video is to start playing it but listen as though it’s a podcast while you cook, clean, exercise, etc.)

(Please be patient while the video loads – thanks!)

I would love to hear what you think every woman is worthy of. Fill in the blank in the comments:

Every woman is worthy of ______.

Yours in health and wellness,

Maggie

“Women Can Have It All” [the myth that hurts our wellness the most]

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I was reading a news article recently and was caught off guard by how angry it made me. I get worried, stressed, fearful, and frustrated but seldom truly angry. Now, before going on, I *don’t* want to get political here. That’s never been what WellnessWinz is for or about. So please discard that idea as you read on. It’s not my agenda.

The article that made me angry was about a triggering topic that just doesn’t seem to stop making headlines lately: Abortion rights. I’ve heard allllll the arguments from both sides and from activists that are secular and faith-based. Trust me when I say I know a lot more about this topic than the average woman due to a medically complicated pregnancy just over a year ago that left me torn as to what I ought to do to protect my unborn child from suffering. It opened my eyes to the torment that so many women endure when considering ending a wanted pregnancy and the underrecognized struggles of many women considering ending unplanned pregnancies, not to mention the plight of women at large.

(If you want to read more about my experiences feel free to check out one of several articles I’ve written about pregnancy loss, grief, healing and being pregnant again after trauma: Glimmers of Joy Amid Grief, My Emergency C-section Recovery, Mental Health Support for Mothers, Pregnancy After Loss Is…)

 

 

So, what made me angry in the article that I read?

Answer: The idea that abortion, chosen or not, legal or illegal, is about empowerment.

 

The arguments go something like this:

Pro-choice: Women’s bodily autonomy = empowerment to choose timing of children, career, education, etc. (this is a long-standing stance).

&

Pro-life: “Women can have it all these days” (the exact words from the article) = empowerment to both raise children and hold down a job.

 

In my honest opinion, politics aside, empowerment has nothing to do with the difficult decision to end a pregnancy, wanted or unwanted. Empowerment is the farthest thing from explaining why many women feel so disadvantaged and under supported that they don’t have the choice to keep their unborn child. Empowerment also doesn’t begin to scrape at the struggles that lie ahead for women who keep their babies against the odds. Empowerment? No.

Allow me to explain the weak points of both sides here:

Bodily autonomy is an important thing, even as people on both sides of the abortion debate have varying definitions of what that ought to mean; however, the idea that it’s empowering to be forced to choose between a child and career, single and/or young motherhood or higher education, putting food on the table for older children or adding a starving mouth to a hungry household is in no way, shape or form accurate, in my humble opinion. It’s incredibly damaging to women’s wellness. No matter the choice, a woman must make a sacrifice.

On the flip side, the notion that “women can have it all” is a long-standing myth that actually means “women must find a way to DO it all.” This is the way our society continues to place heavy burdens squarely on the shoulders of women while disadvantaging and under supporting them along the way. This harms our collective wellness as women too. Big time. It’s entirely out of touch with reality and how much women’s health suffers in nearly every way from an unequal society.

My mom has told me for years that she felt frustrated by pro-choice claims decades ago that abortion “allows women to have it all” (she recognized the oppressive nature of this myth long before I came to terms with it) and now, quite ironically, we’re beginning to hear the exact same argument used against abortion from pro-lifers. What gives?!?!

Let’s move on from abortion debate “highlights” and talk about the most pressing thing:

The reality that women are vastly underserved by our society and are paying a steep price for it, monetarily, personally, and with their health. As a women’s wellness advocate, I can’t turn away from this disheartening data even as I confess that I don’t have many answers for solutions. But perhaps continuing to shine a spotlight on these things is a start…

 

 

The Proof That Women Are Far From “Having It All”

A major gender pay gap exists in many developed nations, not to mention third world countries. In the U.S., women earn 83 cents to every man’s dollar, and this trend of earning less is true across nearly every occupation. In the U.K., women earn a whopping 40% less than men. Unequal pay most certainly means fewer options and opportunities for women despite their hard work.

Earning an advanced degree doesn’t help advance women very much in their earning potential, not to mention the student debt it accrues. On average, most women with advanced degrees (master’s, Ph.d., etc.) earn less than white men with only a bachelor’s degree do, and this pay gap is especially disproportionate for black and Latina women. Again, these disparities persist across nearly every occupation with some small exceptions. Check it out for yourself with this interactive tool that allows you to compare wages (and gives you fuel to ask for a raise).

Not only are women earning less money but they’re shouldering the caregiving load in both married and single parent households. In the U.S. alone, most single parent homes are overseen by moms (8.5 million) compared to dads (2.6 million). According to an article on Parents.com, single mothers feel firsthand all the weight they’re carrying for their careers, families and society’s expectations of them: “Single mothers confirm they’re facing these pressures and high expectations every day and are even shamed when their abilities don’t match up to the ideal.”

Indeed, women are expected to do SO much and with a smile on their worn out faces. Add these struggles to the high cost of childcare, inequitable healthcare coverage, and lack of paid maternity leave, and you have a society that is telling women they can have it all while denying them of all the support for fulfilling that dream.

One example of how women are intensely under supported is the steep decline in breastfeeding rates from infancy to one year of age (84% of women initiate breastfeeding their babies but only 57% still are at 6 months and 35% are at one year). Breastfeeding is arguably one of the most physically natural roles a mother has and yet in our society it’s nearly impossible for most women to stick with due to pressures to return to work, a lack of support for breastfeeding logistics, low help with childcare for older children, and only half of employers offering lactation support programs and on-site nursing/pumping rooms. Not only that, but depending on where you live geographically in the U.S. there are varying degrees of cultural support and importance placed on this healthy maternal-infant relationship: see here.

 

 

How else is our culture expecting too much and offering too little for women? Ohhh, let me count the ways…

I have seen within my own family the toll that caregiving can take. My mother was working full-time, raising three kids, helping support three aging relatives and her disabled younger brother, all while going through menopause. The weight of all these responsibilities is not unique to her. It’s a common, untold story of middle-aged women at large. Right when women’s self-care needs must be addressed to manage menopause in a healthy manner, life demands reach a crescendo and minimize a woman’s ability to focus on her own wellness.

Roughly 66% of caregivers for aging relatives are female, averaging 49 years old and working outside of the home while simultaneously providing 20 hours of unpaid elderly care per week. During this phase of life, the demands placed uniquely on women’s backs has the following repercussions:

    • “33% of working women decreased work hours
    • 29% passed up a job promotion, training or assignment
    • 22% took a leave of absence
    • 20% switched from full-time to part-time employment
    • 16% quit their jobs
    • 13% retired early
    • In total, the cost impact of caregiving on the individual female caregiver in terms of lost wages and Social Security benefits equals $324,044″…read more

This data only reflects the challenges of caregiving for elderly loved ones, let alone the percentage of women who quit work and/or struggle with demands to caretake for disabled or sick children. I think most of us can agree that these numbers do NOT match up to the mythical ideal of “women can have it all.” These struggles are seen generation after generation and unfortunately, the future for women looks somewhat bleak. According to the U.S. Department of Labor:

“The pandemic has set women’s labor force participation back more than 30 years.” 

 

By early 2021, women’s participation in the work force fell to less than 56%, matching rates as far back as 1987. Women of color and those working in low-wage occupations have been the most impacted.

I know, I know…this isn’t a feel good article. But it’s important that we get to the core of why the myth “women can have it all” just isn’t adding up to reality.

 

 

The Ripple Effects of Gender Inequality on the Average Woman’s Wellness

A Statement from the 2020 Global Gender Gap Report:

“In no country in the world is the amount of time spent by men on unpaid work (mainly domestic and volunteer work) equal to that of women; and in many countries, women still spend multiple-folds as much time than men on these activities. Even in countries where this ratio is lowest (i.e. Norway or the United States) women spend almost twice as much time as men on unpaid domestic work.”

This global gender gap contributes to higher mental health challenges for women versus men. The World Health Organization shows that women outpace men on rates of mental disorders such as depression, anxiety and somatic complaints, to name a few. Within the U.S. alone, one study demonstrates disheartening findings stating that “by many objective measures the lives of women in the United States have improved over the past 35 years, yet we show that measures of subjective well-being indicate that women’s happiness has declined both absolutely and relative to men.”

Women’s mental health suffers gravely because of how much we are tasked with. Mental health is further complicated by the following factors that contribute to social insecurity:

  • gender-based violence
  • socio-economic disadvantage
  • income inequality
  • low social status and rank
  • responsibility for the care of others

As long as so many women suffer from mental health challenges, the collective wellness of society suffers too. Our bodies suffer. Our families suffer. Our workplaces suffer. Our healthcare systems suffer. And so on.

 

 

Is There a Path Forward that is Better for Women’s Wellness?

I don’t have the answers for pay equity, changes in government policies and benefits,  and normalizing caregiving for men, but I can say without a shadow of a doubt that ALL of this information compels me to scream from the rooftops that we are hurting women’s wellness with the myth that “women can have it all.” We’re far from that reality becoming manifest. So for now, this myth continues to be synonymous with “women must do it all,” and I can’t think of anything more suffocating, oppressive, sexist, and damaging to women’s collective wellness than that.

I hate to end on such a negative statement. That’s seldom my style. But I find myself realizing that passive complacency or putting a positive spin on these complicated circumstances is no longer acceptable as it allows that myth to gain in momentum and harm.

Women deserve better.

Perhaps it’s time we should accept that having it all (ahem, doing it all) is an impossible standard for a person of any gender? Just a thought.

Yours in health and wellness,

Maggie

 

5 Tips For Women to Get Better Sleep

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Today, WellnessWinz is hosting Morgan Adams as a guest writer to discuss insights about women’s sleep needs and solutions. Morgan recently launched a new website for her Sleep Coaching services. Check it out and read on. Sweet dreams! Yours in health and wellness, Maggie

 

5 Tips For Women to Get Better Sleep

According to the National Sleep Foundation, up to 67% of women say they’ve had a sleeping problem at least a few nights during the past month—and 46% said they had problems almost every night. The average adult needs seven to nine hours of sleep each night. Unfortunately, fewer than two thirds of women (according to the CDC) actually get that much sleep each night.

This pre-pandemic data clearly speaks to the fact that many women are getting suboptimal sleep. Not to be a Debbie Downer, but I would argue that women’s sleep situation is actually worse than these statistics suggest. Pandemic-related anxiety, lack of boundaries between work and family life, and women often shouldering more of the household duties have created the perfect storm for sleep struggles.

While many of these issues seem beyond our control, I want to share 5 strategies I’ve been helping my clients implement:

 

 

  1. Avoid starting prescription sleep medications

In my mid-30’s, I had a personal crisis that caused insomnia. I sought a prescription for a popular sleeping pill which I became dependent on for almost a decade. The downsides for me were late-night binges without any recollection of these episodes the next morning and feeling extremely foggy the next day up until close to lunchtime. 

According to Dr. Matthew Walker, author of the best-seller Why We Sleep, “Sleeping pills do not provide natural sleep, can damage health, and increase the risk of life-threatening diseases.” While prescription sleep drugs can help you become unconscious, sedation isn’t the same as sleep. These drugs can actually restrict the deeper brain waves that happen during REM sleep, which is why so many people experience grogginess the next morning.

So what should you do if you’re already on prescription sleep medicine and no longer want to be taking it? Work with your healthcare provider on coming up with a plan to gradually reduce your dose. 

 

  1. Pay close attention to what you consume in the evening

Avoid eating a heavy dinner 3 hours before bed. This could help you avoid potential heartburn or indigestion, which can make it more difficult to fall asleep.

Have an alcohol curfew. If you’re going to enjoy a cocktail or a glass of wine, it’s better to do so at Happy Hour as opposed to an after-dinner drink. I’ve personally found that I (and my clients) sleep much more soundly when we stop drinking about 3 hours before bed. While alcohol can help you get to sleep faster, the downside is that it impairs your REM sleep which you need for consolidation of memories and processing of emotions.

If you’re going to chill with Netflix before bedtime, consider the type of content you’re watching. Shows that are disturbing and overstimulating could impact your sleep. So go for “Ted Lasso” instead of “Handmaid’s Tale.”

 

 

  1. Track your sleep

Tracking your sleep is important because you want to 1) identify whether or not you’re getting enough of it and 2) make sure it’s quality sleep. You can opt for logging your sleep data in an online or paper tracker. My preference for really drilling down to get some hard stats is to use a sleep tracking device.

In a recent study in the journal Nature and Science of Sleep, several popular wearable trackers were evaluated. The findings concluded that there were large variations between devices and that the greatest amount of confidence was measuring Total Sleep Time, Total Wake Time, and Sleep Efficiency. Where all the devices fell short with regard to accuracy was measuring sleep stages (eg. REM and deep sleep). Fitbit and Oura were both noted as being the most accurate devices.

Personally, I’ve had an Oura ring for a year and a half and have gained so many insights from using it nightly. Its ability to measure your body temperature could be of interest to women who are closely tracking their fertility or menstrual cycle. One piece of advice I’d offer to those who are using wearable sleep trackers is to pay more attention to your weekly trend lines than what data the tracker reports each day. If you lean toward perfectionism you don’t risk developing an unhealthy obsession with achieving perfect sleep (AKA “orthosomnia”).

 

  1. Practice relaxation techniques

A common sleep complaint I hear from women is not being able to fall asleep because you’re having worrisome thoughts OR waking up in the middle of the night with random things running through your brain. 

If that’s you too, here are a few strategies that could be helpful. I’d suggest choosing one that resonates with you. If that doesn’t seem to help then try another strategy. The same techniques aren’t going to work for every person.

  • 4-7-8 breathing: Rest your tongue against the roof of your mouth, right behind your front teeth. Breathe in quietly through your nose for 4 seconds. Hold your breath for a count of 7 seconds. Exhale forcefully through your mouth, pursing your lips (make a “whoosh” sound) for 8 seconds. Then repeat this cycle up to 4 times.
  • Meditation: Research has backed up that mediation is an effective strategy to help those who struggle with sleep. In a 2015 study published in JAMA, researchers analyzed how meditation affected 49 adults who had moderate sleep problems. The participants were randomly assigned 6 weeks of meditation or sleep hygiene education. The study concluded that the meditation group experienced fewer symptoms of insomnia. There is an abundance of free meditation apps on the market these days, with dedicated sections devoted to sleep meditations. I’ve found that the Insight Timer app has the most meditations for sleep. Other apps to check out include Calm and Headspace.

 

 

  1. Make your bedroom a sleep sanctuary

When I’m coaching my clients, one of the first things we address is their bedroom environment. This is what I call the “low hanging fruit” because most tweaks in your sleeping environment are super simple to address. For example, adjusting your thermostat to 65-70 degrees can help you sleep better. Why is this? Studies have shown that we need to lower our core temperature by 2 to 3 degrees to prepare our bodies for sleep. Another simple tweak is to put electrical tape on any bright lights. Fun fact…your bedroom should be so dark at night that you shouldn’t be able to see your hand if you put it in front of your face. 

 

DO THIS NEXT!

Make sure your bedroom is optimized to help you sleep better. I put together a handy and SIMPLE guide to turn your bedroom into a sleep sanctuary. Click here to download my Better Bedroom checklist today!

 

 

Random Things Every Woman Should Learn About Women’s Health

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I learned a lot more about women’s health over the past year for two unexpected reasons: 1) a medical emergency that resulted in deeper understanding of female reproductive anatomy, and 2) being drawn to a book titled The XX Brain by Lisa Moscani, PhD. My takeaways from both were so unexpected and enlightening that I started bringing up these newfound facts in conversation with friends, family members, and my book club circle. I was surprised to find that these very basic facts about our bodies and health aren’t common knowledge.

So, here I am today as a wellness coach and fitness professional trying to shed light on some startling facts about women’s health. Bear with me if these seem unrelated to your personal situation at the moment…you never know when they might become relevant for you or a woman you know. Knowledge is power and women are worthy!

 

 

Reproductive Organs & Health

Fact 1: Removal of a single fallopian tube only reduces fertility by about 10%, not 50% as many women assume. (I told you this was random stuff.) But this is great news for those of us women with a single tube! I was surprised to learn this fact after losing one of my tubes last year. It gave me tremendous hope.

Fact 2: The ovaries sit closer together, somewhat behind the uterus, not far apart as shown in textbooks and anatomy diagrams. It’s odd to me that women are taught so little about their reproductive organs! We’re seldom taught how they really work sexually despite the basic education in sex ed. class, and conceiving a baby doesn’t seem like complicated stuff until a woman starts meaningfully tracking her cycle and figuring out peak fertility signs and symptoms. And lo and behold – now I realize that we don’t even really know what we look like “down there” without a mirror for the outside or a kind doctor explaining the intricacies of all the stuff on the inside. (Did you know your uterus has 3 layers?! My point exactly!)

Fact 3: Fallopian tubes are flexible and mobile. You heard me right – those skinny little suckers can move! This is why you can still get pregnant while having only one tube, assuming it’s healthy and undamaged. A single fallopian tube figures out how to intelligently move to the ovulating ovary, even if it’s on the opposite side, to suck up or “catch” the egg that is released. The next month, it will move to the opposite side in preparation for the next ovulation cycle.

This. Absolutely. Boggles. My. Mind.

Women are complicated and magnificent. Thanks to this phenomenon, I’m currently pregnant with a baby girl whose egg came from my ovary on the side *without* the fallopian tube. I’m still in shock.

 

 

Fact 4: Most aggressive forms of ovarian cancer start in the fallopian tubes, not the ovary itself. This is really eye-opening information to me. I hadn’t thought much about ovarian cancer and internal female reproductive anatomy until a year ago when my world tilted. Now, I’m processing the fact that my paternal great-grandmother died from ovarian cancer. I believe that the reason ovarian cancer is so deadly is because of its frequent origin in the fallopian tubes. You see, the tubes are wide open to the abdominal cavity on one end, meaning that cancer originating in the tubes can quickly and easily spread to any number of internal organs.

When I went to a fertility clinic to check if my remaining fallopian tube was healthy, the doctor did a hysterosalpingogram (HSG) procedure where dye was injected through my uterus up and into my fallopian tube to check for obstructions. I saw the thin line of ink on the screen and was told that was my tube. But then I also saw a fanning out of the dye as though it were spilling into open space. The doctor explained that’s exactly what it was doing – it was spilling from the open side of my tube into my abdomen (the doctor called this a “blushing effect” and sign of a healthy tube). While this was encouraging at the time, I must consider my family history of ovarian cancer and its risks for me. Which leads me to the decision to have my remaining tube removed after this pregnancy because research shows…(see fact 5)

Fact 5: Removal of fallopian tubes can reduce ovarian cancer risk by over 40%. Ovarian cancer has been shown to have a genetic component in some cases and is worth discussing with a genetic counselor if your family has a history of breast cancer or ovarian cancer. If you’re a women intrigued by genetic testing then this is a good thing to check genetic risk for too, even in the absence of a family history.

 

 

Hormones & Brain Health

Fact 1: Did you know that the X chromosome is much larger than the Y chromosome and contains over 1000 more genes? And women have two X chromosomes at that! That’s a lot of genetic power, if you ask me. According to The XX Brain these genes primarily support hormone production and brain activity.

Fact 2: Men’s brains produce more serotonin (mood, sleep, appetite, “feel good” hormone) whereas women’s brains produce more dopamine (drive and reward-motivated behavior). Does this make a light bulb go off in anyone else’s mind? This fact produces such an “aha!” moment for me. It makes so much sense.

My husband sleeps like a log, has a fairly level mood every day, and seems generally content to watch football on the tv while playing a mindless video game on his phone. My day is much different. Sleep is easily thrown off by hormones, my mood is much more subject to fluctuations, and some evenings I battle feeling “unproductive” if I’m being a zoned-out couch potato. I wonder what life would feel like as a man for just one day…but then I remember that women have more brain power, so I quickly forget the notion 😉

Fact 3: Women’s Alzheimer’s risk is an emerging health crisis. According to Lisa Moscani, “two out of every three Alzheimer’s patients are women” and “a 45 year old woman has a one in five chance of developing Alzheimer’s during her remaining life.”

Does this startle anyone else? I’m mind blown and saddened by these statistics but also encouraged from reading The XX Brain because it helps dive into preventive actions, risk assessments and more, so that women can be proactive about their health.

 

 

Fact 4: Pregnancy-related gestational diabetes and preeclampsia may predispose a woman to develop heart disease around the time of menopause. This was a bit of a side note in Moscani’s book but one that really jumped off the page to me (page 49, for those interested). According to studies, women who experience gestational diabetes during pregnancy have a 26% higher risk of heart issues after menopause. Women with former preeclampsia are at a 31% elevated risk. If you suffered from one of these two prenatal health conditions it’s worth filing this note away for the future so that you can speak to a trusted medical professional about managing menopause and taking actions to boost and monitor heart health (good news – you can start ALL of these things well before menopause).

Fact 5: Removing a woman’s ovaries (or just one) before menopause can increase her risk of dementia by up to 70% (page 53, The XX Brian). If you’ve had one or both of your ovaries removed for medical reasons then please consider reading The XX Brain to learn what you can do about Alzheimer’s prevention. I was very alarmed by this data and hope that women will spread the word and get the preventative help they deserve.

Fact 6: While some aspects of menopause are out of our control, we have the ability to adapt our lifestyle behaviors before and during the process to help ease the intensity of the fall in estrogen. Although I’m still somewhere in my “fertile years” I know that I will inevitably hit menopause one day. For the longest time I thought menopause was just something that “happened” to you, like you step unexpectedly onto a roller coaster with no way off until it stops. Thank goodness this isn’t entirely the case! There are steps you can take to help your body manage the intense downshift in estrogen and the brain/body’s process of adapting to functioning on far less of it.

 

Thanks for hanging in with me and diving into the random, unexpected world of women’s health!

Yours in health and wellness,

Maggie

 

 

The Complicated Return to Collective Wellness

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Malcolm X once proclaimed that “when I is replaced by we, illness becomes wellness.”

 

With the dawn of the coronavirus pandemic, the interdependence we have on one another for our health and wellness has become a focal topic in many peoples lives. Collective trauma, wellness and healing are newly revived topics in mainstream western culture but they’re far from infantile or irrelevant beyond this global crisis. Whether we recognize it or not, collective wellness is a powerful influence in our history and daily lives, and right now a lot of people are struggling to integrate it.

 

Modern Tribalism

Although the word tribe often applies to traditional tribal communities such as Native American and aboriginal communities, the term can apply to “modern tribes” or “modern tribalism” too. These tribes are groups that we consciously or unconsciously belong to and affiliate with, and which possess great influence over our identities, actions and decisions. According to Foreign Affairs we live in a tribal world and “in many places, the identities that matter most—the ones people will lay down their lives for—are not national but ethnic, regional, religious, sectarian, or clan-based.”

(Before moving forward with this topic I encourage every reader to respect the term “tribe” and use it in the proper context rather than casually or with flagrant disregard for people of color who come from or currently live in traditional tribal settings.)

 

 

The Dark Side of Tribal Instinct

Tribalism is a force to be reckoned with. Just as quickly as it can empower unity, it can breed division (ex: political divisiveness, discrimination based on ethnicity and/or religion, violence based on differences in beliefs in covid-19 masking and vaccination, etc.). When a tribe feels threatened or is in danger, fear and anxiety reverberates with all its members. Sometimes this draws members of the tribe closer together but other times it causes them to look unfavorably on outside people and groups.

“This is the dark side of the tribal instinct,” according to neuroscientist Ian Robertson, who continues by saying that there is “a greater tendency to demonize and de-humanize the out-group.” This lowers the empathy people have for one another’s suffering and reduces demonstrations of compassion, outreach and volunteerism.

Robertson explains that this tribal instinct begins in childhood: One study demonstrates how when children were told to wear red or blue they made negative social assumptions about children wearing the opposite color. The children’s judgements were quite obviously based on non-reality assumptions. But how easily can adults recognize a similar bias in themselves? In truth, adults discriminate far more often and the judgements become more harsh, aggressive and violent to those outside of their tribes.

Without question, the “dark side” of tribalism possesses great potential for damage both within the tribe and in opposing groups beyond it. As tensions, stress, trauma and other negative lived experiences impact one member after the next, the collective wellness of the tribe is greatly diminished, if not altogether extinguished.

 

Tribal Health & Wellness

Tribal members collectively benefit when healing and thriving occur. One person’s victory becomes a shared victory for all and the successes of the larger community are sources of pride for each person. This is what you might call “the light side” of modern tribalism and it’s why moving the needle towards collective wellness is so critical.

We are all reaching towards comfort and health during these difficult times in the world. We each feel the effects of the pandemic’s collective trauma and toll on our physical and mental health. Sometimes it can feel like “the light side” is far from our grasp, but underneath the heavy feeling of trauma is the capacity for healing. This is why we can take action and inch slowly towards a brighter path.

Healing requires that we navigate this global crisis with patience and tolerance, heal ancestral wounds, process our lived experiences in emotionally healthy ways, and integrate the tribe’s experiences into our cultural narrative. These are just some of the many ways that we gradually build personal health resilience and collective wellness.

 

 

How Individual Healing Translates into Collective Wellness

Individualism is something that western cultures value above all else whereas eastern cultures tend to place more emphasis on a collectivist mentality. As we in the western world grow more ego-centric and self-reliant for our health needs, we lose touch with the ability to see how our tribe’s mentality and circumstances impact our well-being, and vice versa. The two are interdependent and in constant relationship with one another.

Collective wellness depends on each individual’s efforts towards self care and self love while keeping the greater good in mind. This allows us to offer our best to the world and live vibrantly within our purpose. According to Cultivate Balance, “It is the greater vision of what we are working toward in the small moments when we care for ourselves. Valuing the wellbeing of the whole invites us to think critically about our communities and our roles within them. It is about looking beyond our individual experience to honor a collective vision that prioritizes the needs of many.”

 

The Future of Wellness

As a wellness professional I anticipate the words “health” and “wellness” becoming increasingly associated with these processes of community healing. I anticipate a world where exercise and eating vegetables are givens for health and we can finally sink our teeth into the meatier stuff that requires a lot more chewing. Stuff like trauma and healing through storytelling, putting tolerance into practice, allowing space for rest, honoring and getting comfortable with grief, and so much more. One fundamental component of healing from trauma is “the experience of being truly heard and seen.” When we speak up for ourselves and our needs, share our stories, and offer a compassionate listening ear then we are paving the way for healthy connection and community.

The world won’t remember many of us by name or face, but the modern tribes we belong to will tell their stories for generations to come. Personally, I want to contribute to my community in such a way that its story is one of collective healing, wellness and redemption.

(Will you join me?)

 

 

Yours in health and wellness,

Maggie