Tag Archives: Faith

Discovering God in Movement

I’ve discovered in my foolish efforts to move faster, through exercise and life, that happiness alludes me. The more I try to align my purpose with the values of this world (my image, finances, and outward success), the more spiritually depleted I become. The more my spirit suffers, the more my physical and emotional health precipitously decline. The inner parts of me [and you] are interconnected. That said, the best part of discovering my weaknesses is that I’ve witnessed an eternal strength of God, who serves as my backbone during the movement of life, even as I am spinning in its tornado. These are just a few examples to ponder, when my body and mind were swept away by the hurried pace of life, but my spirit was called back to place of staying grounded.

…There are different ideas about meditation. Common Eastern meditation practices are a way of clearing the mind and simultaneously opening it up to receive the eternal, energy, detachment from superficiality, whatever the specific practice or belief encourages. You probably find a lot of these meditative forms in yoga classes. As an exercise professional who teaches yoga, I’m well acquainted with them. The Christian view of meditation is fixing one’s mind on scripture or the way of God, and allowing that to guide one’s adoration and intentions. Some Christians believe Eastern forms of meditation are “corrupt” because they don’t focus specifically on God and thereby open the mind to “satanic” and Godless thoughts. Yes, I’m a Christian. But no, I don’t believe Eastern forms of meditation are corrupt. In fact, I have experienced the Spirit through both forms of meditation, and have seen firsthand how each has a positive and transforming power; how God can be in written words, in the stillness of opening one’s mind, and in the focus on eternity. God is omnipresent. I’ve also experienced spiritual growth through another, less-talked-about form of meditation: movement.

…It all started when I was in high school. Field hockey tryouts were every August, so the summer evenings were spent running the hilly road that my family’s house was on. As I ran up and down, one hill after the next and my heart racing, I felt like life tilted just enough to see it from the right angle. Juvenile worries faded and my mind wasn’t distracted by the whir of emotions that accompany teenage years. I felt like I was one with God, the universe, life. Some might call it a runner’s high and attribute it to endorphin hormones, but if you’ve experienced a similar spiritual experience then you know just as well as I do that it’s more. So much more.

My running became less routine during my first year of college. Evening runs were traded-in for “pre-gaming” frat parties or cramming for morning exams. I lived in a cloud of stress and under a haze of booze, wondering if my pre-law coursework was really taking me in the direction I was supposed to go with my career and life. After my first year of college came to a close, I resumed running that hilly route on summer evenings, even though making the field hockey team was a thing of the past. I pined for the feelings of connection to God that I experienced on those high school runs and hoped I could find Him again that summer. The faster I ran and the harder I tried to force it, the less I could see of that Great Spirit. I was devastated. Where did God go? Had I been abandoned?

One evening run, mulling over my directionless academic experience and dim prospects for personal happiness in practicing law, I hit a different cadence. Instead of running fast and furiously, I just ran steady. My breath matched my step and a rhythm established itself. With every exhale, my mind began to clear of the stress. With every few steps, I felt more calm and began a true communion with God, there in that moving meditation with my feet loud on the pavement but His words whispering softly to my mind. It was in that moment of moving meditation when I let go of the things of the world, the lies I was telling myself about what “success” should look like. In letting go, I fell seamlessly into a new purpose. I realized I wanted to help other people feel amazing in their bodies, like I did in that moment. I didn’t even know about the Exercise Physiology degree option at that point in time, but I understood I had to figure out a way to help people move and find freedom for their bodies and spirits. So, that’s what I did.

Since that day, when my entire future turned on an axle, I’ve found it surprisingly easy to connect with God via exercise. It’s been my favorite form of meditation. It’s in the other forms of life’s movement that being spiritually centered has been a challenge. The hurried movement from one deadline to the next, from email to email, and all the busy-busy stuff in between that takes up mind and heart space. But, I’ve found that even though its undeserved, God is still there amidst the distracted movement of life.

…It was my last walk-through of my post-college apartment in the Adams Morgan neighborhood of Washington, DC. My now-husband and I had just made the decision to begin our lives together. We were making engagement plans, picking out furniture, and feeling the initial butterflies of settling in together. I walked through the apartment and felt stale feelings prickling up. Memories of the sleepless, scared and lonely nights in that space caused my throat to tighten. I had lived there three years and almost every experience had been marked by extreme growing pains. Late nights panning through spiritual books, trying to understand how to approach the “real world” as myself. Afternoons collapsing into my bed to nap, my body inflamed and suffering, before waking up to go back to work for another evening shift of clients. I heaved a sigh of relief that I was finally moving on. As I finished sweeping the last room’s dust bunnies I remembered that I hadn’t swept my bedroom’s closets out. I walked to the back of the house, opened the glossy black closet doors and began sweeping. A faint clatter sound on the ground caught my attention. As I knelt to inspect, I discovered the top piece of a broken prayer box that I’d long forgotten about, laying in the heap of dust. Someone had been with me through all the tears and loneliness, even when my unintentional inclination was to leave Him hiding in the closet.  

…It was my last walk-through of our first apartment together before moving. We had just bought a town home that we were giddy about. As I walked through the apartment, I checked cabinets and corners, almost 100% certain that we had collected all our belongings, but the paranoid perfectionist in me beckoning one last inspection. I pulled back the mirrored closet door and looked through the now-empty space where clothes had formerly been stuffed on hangers. My heart caught in my chest. Again? On the opposite wall inside the closet hung a cross made from Popsicle sticks, one I had long forgotten about and hardly remembered hanging there. It was a gift from a friend I had made while working in Sedona, Arizona, the capital of “New Age” practices, as a personal trainer. That friend made the cross in prison, where he was now serving time for turning back to drugs after several decades of fighting to find freedom from them and enjoying brief reprieve that summer we met. When he sent me the cross, he included a note with the quote:

“Peace,

It does not mean to be in a place

where there is no noise, trouble

or hard work. It means to be in

the midst of those things and still

be calm in your heart.”

(unknown)

…It was a handful of months after moving into our new town home. When we bought the home, we were thrilled that there was a lot of green space in front of it – a unique find in the city, let alone just one block from public transportation. The green space reminded me of being back at my childhood home and made me feel more spiritually centered. When we did our first walk-through of the home after getting the keys (it was officially ours!), we videoed the empty rooms exclaiming over the things we loved and things we planned to change. I was walking in front of the camera, my husband filming me from behind, when I approached one of the front windows. “And this beautiful park!” I declared. “If anything ever happens to it, I’ll die.” I replayed that moment in my mind while standing in front of our home, tears streaming down my face as I looked at the spray-painted grass and miniature white flags butting up right next to our property. These marked where a construction company would soon excavate this slice of nature to carve out space for an underground garage and apartment building. I was devastated.

I was spouting my frustrations over the phone to my husband, regretting our decision to buy and worrying over what living with a crane over our heads would be like. He was calming me down and reassuring me that we were still going to love our home. My crying reduced to sniffles as he explained that this “misfortune” might be an asset for improving our home’s future sale price. As this thought sank in, I took another long look across the expanse of greenery before turning my attention down to the ground in front of our home. It was still a painful thought; that the green oasis would soon be destroyed. As I kicked my feet against some loose rocks and dirt, a cream color caught my eye. I reached down, thinking I would pluck a large rock out of our front planter. But what I unearthed was something unexpected. “Hold on, Casey…” I paused him mid-thought. What is this??

It was a miniature St. Joseph’s statue. I’m not Catholic so I didn’t know what this signified. After a little investigation, I learned St. Joseph is the patron saint of families and homes. Catholics bury the statue in gardens and yards to bless the sale or purchase of a home. I’m not sure if the former homeowners put it there for their sale of the home or to bless its buyers [us], but that home afforded us many happy experiences and a tenfold profit (from our modest down payment) when we sold it just five years later. I still have that statue in my bedside drawer, a selfish part of myself unwilling to part with it now.

…It was just a few months ago, my husband and I experiencing butterflies on the drive home from Richmond, VA where we had just walked through a home we felt excited about putting an offer on. Are we crazy for moving to a new city where we have no jobs? Are we uprooting our lives for no purpose? We were both voicing our doubts and worries out loud on that drive, even though both of our heartstrings were being pulled in favor of the home. As the waves of giddiness and nervousness passed over me, I looked upwards to the sky through the front window. The light that had been pouring in through the car windows suddenly seemed dim. I wondered if it was about to rain. As my eyes cast upwards, I saw that the entire sky was covered in billowy white clouds…except for one small patch of pure blue in the shape of a well-defined heart. I knew. While only caring about the future amid my busy plans, God was steadfastly with me in the present.

….

Whether I’ve been moving fast or slow, looking up or down, focusing on meditation or tripping through life absentmindedly, God has proven that He is always there. And when I realize that I’m more than the sum of my physical parts, thanks to something greater, it’s pretty awesome. It puts a bounce in my step as I hit the pavement for a good run.

 

Yours in health and wellness,

Maggie

Slow Results

In today’s world where everything is a swipe, tap or click away, it can be excruciatingly difficult when results are slow to come. I’m not just talking about fitness results either. Delays and setbacks in successful romance, job promotions, having children, saving for retirement, and many other areas of our lives challenge us to the core. The waiting game is not easy. But, I’ve noticed through my time as fitness professional that there is much to gain from slow results. In fact, you should delight in the delay! Let’s talk about what you gain through overdue gratification and feeling like you’re in a place far from your goals.

endurance

Endurance

People who exercise realize that reaching your goals can take a lot of time. There are long sweat sessions after which you feel like a champion. There are also days and weeks when you feel like a failure because you sit at your desk thinking about how you should hit the gym but instead waste time procrastinating on social media. Ringing any bells? The ups and downs are all a part of building up endurance and grit as you push onwards through both the accomplishments and setbacks, driving incrementally harder towards your goals.

Anyone who has tried to shed pounds can tell you that there are usually times in the process when a little bit of weight is actually gained. It’s during those times of gain that a person has to reevaluate how they are moving forward in the weight-loss journey. Are they fully committed? What can they learn from the weight gain? If a person can recommit themselves to exercise, healthy eating and self-care during this time, they haven’t lost anything from their weight making a small rebound. In fact, I will argue that they have gained endurance by understanding that losing weight, or any goal for that matter, isn’t just a one-time decision. It’s a recurring decision to get up and work towards it every day in spite of challenges. For example, sticking to the goal even through a messy breakup, the holiday season or an injury. The definition of endurance is “enduring an unpleasant or difficult process or situation without giving way.”

character

Character

One of my favorite things about personal training is that I can see individuals’ personalities and perspectives slowly transform as they undergo the process. For example, one woman I trained used to think that she should push herself really hard all the time in workouts or there was no point in showing up to the gym. If she missed the first 10 minutes of a training session she felt like she should give up and not come at all. Any time she was tired or needed to take a break from exercise she felt like it was a free pass to overeat, feel guilty and wallow in despair about her body, love life and work. Over time, I helped her to see that you can lose pace with your goal for results without completely falling off the wagon. She could let herself have a couple days of feeling a little blue and taking care of her emotional health without sabotaging herself through junk food or drinking too much.

Over the years (yes, years), I saw this woman go from self-loathing during times of slow results to confidence and composure. She knew that she would achieve her goals even through the setbacks. This wisdom helped her mentally and emotionally. Suddenly, long hours at the office didn’t stress or burn her out so quickly. Her dreams of marriage in spite of lacking a romantic relationship didn’t feel quite so pressing. Her small ebbs and flows in her fitness and weight didn’t drown her in guilt. She became a more empathetic and self-loving individual. In my book, not even running the world’s fastest marathon can compare to achieving that.

faith

Faith

This blog post was inspired through my own experiences as a personal trainer and also as a woman of faith. The theme “delight in the delay” was inspired by a sermon I listened to which encouraged people to see the positive aspects of waiting for their dreams to come alive. The biggest thing that I took away from this spiritual message was that dreams WILL come true. As hokey as that sounds. When you have a confident hope that you will see your dreams come to fruition, you will continue to put yourself in a position of passionate pursuit, no matter how long it takes. Very few dreams worth achieving come easily.

Hang on tight whether you’re chasing after better fitness or a bigger paycheck, and don’t turn away from the lessons available to you during the wait. Life happens in them. They are the foundation for hope.

Yours in health and wellness,

Maggie

wellnesswinz-blue-sea

Real Inspiration: A reader’s struggles lead her down the path of wellness

WellnessWinz is thrilled to introduce you to Lucy Taylor! Lucy is one of our readers who is a devoted wife and mother of two rambunctious little girls (oh yea – and with another bun in the oven!). She used to be a full-time wedding and portrait photographer before realizing that she needed more work/life balance for her growing family. Now, Lucy has followed her passion for health wellness and has begun representing a brand that means the world to her. I encourage you to read on and learn about how Lucy has managed her journey through challenges with weight loss, body image, depression and eating. Insights galore! 

Lucy's favorite shirt

Lucy posted the above picture to Instagram:

“That day when your favorite shirt fits again and you can breathe.”

Q & A with Lucy: 

1) Lucy, can you fill readers in on the ups and/or downs of your personal health journey? 

For most of my life, weight and body image has always been a struggle. I started running in college and fell in love with it but I still wasn’t eating well. Fast forward to 2011, my husband and I had gotten married and we were pregnant with our first, Edith. I gained 55 pounds with that pregnancy and had a lot of trouble losing the weight. I wasn’t eating well and I wasn’t active.

In April of 2013, a year after Edith was born, my husband and I decided to do a Whole30. I lost 12 pounds and numerous inches! I also gained energy and the desire to be active again. Around that time, I also started working out with an amazing group of moms once a week. After our whole30 though, we went back to our old eating habits…

Info on what the Whole30 challenge is all about:

“Cut out all the psychologically unhealthy, hormone-unbalancing, gut-disrupting, inflammatory food groups for a full 30 days. Let your body heal and recover from whatever effects those foods may be causing. Push the “reset” button with your metabolism, systemic inflammation, and the downstream effects of the food choices you’ve been making. Learn once and for all how the foods you’ve been eating are actually affecting your day to day life, and your long term health.”

Later that year, we happily got pregnant with our second, Ruby. During that winter, I struggled with very bad depression. It was one of the darkest times of my life. When the second trimester finally came, I went completely gluten and sugar free. It made an immense difference in my mood and energy levels. I also started walking daily and vowed to not gain the 55 pounds I did with Edith. When our second little lady came into the world, I had only gained 24 pounds. I attribute this to my clean eating.

Processed with VSCOcam with c1 preset

Left Image: 24 lbs. gained in pregnancy #2 thanks to clean eating.

Right Image: 55 lbs. gained in pregnancy #1 before adopting a healthier lifestyle. 

Arbonne, an inner and outer health and beauty product line, came into my life around the time I had Edith. I started using their clean nutritional supplements and I saw amazing results while getting back into shape after having the baby. My husband and I did our first Arbonne “30 days to Healthy Living” in 2014 and it totally changed our lives. The program has drastically changed my relationship with food. It has truly freed me to know how to give food the proper place in my life.  It was easy to eliminate the foods that didn’t serve us because we were given the tools we needed to succeed.

facebook lucy food

I can now happily say that most of the time, our whole family eats gluten free, sugar free, and mostly processed food free. We do like to celebrate though so we strive to find a healthy balance. We have started to enjoy gluten-free baking so that our girls can still enjoy things like a delicious chocolate cake or a warm chocolate chip cookie from time to time. Clean eating does take immense discipline, but, once I realized how good my body was created to feel, I didn’t want those other foods anymore. You start to crave the foods your body was made to be fueled by.

 

2) What has been the hardest thing for you to manage in terms of your health, exercise and/or diet? 

I would have to say that depression is definitely the hardest thing that I’ve had to manage in terms of my health. My desire to exercise, get out of bed, and eat well is greatly affected by my mood. I am grateful for an amazing support network, (my husband and dear friends) who encourage and lift me up during those hard times. I also am grateful to my faith and the Lord who gives me hope for healing.

Lucy's First Whole 30

Before & After Lucy’s first Whole30

 

3) What solutions have you found that other women may be able to apply to their lives too? 

I truly believe that my diet has drastically changed my mood. I love that our Arbonne “30 days to Healthy Living” program also makes it possible for someone who is busy and may not have ever eaten this way to have great success with a clean eating program. I do also take a daily anti-depressant which has also helped immensely. (I don’t believe this is needed for everyone but for some it is completely necessary.)

I also cannot imagine life without daily exercise. The best solution I’ve found is to make exercise a habit. Do it every single day. Even if it’s just a walk around the block. In our family, we’ve made it a goal to walk places where we would normally drive. Yes, it takes a bit more time, especially with two little movers, but I love that we can encourage our children to be active and healthy.

Lastly, women with children often need to have the proper gear to get active (it is already hard enough to leave the house– can I get an Amen?!?). I walk/run daily with our Double Bob. I couldn’t live without it. We found ours on craigslist and it was SO worth the investment so that I could exercise daily.

Lucy's First Whole 30

Before & After Lucy’s first Whole30

 

4) How do you describe wellness?

I think wellness is all about finding balance. It’s becoming the best and healthiest version of yourself in all areas of life – social, emotional, spiritual, intellectual, occupational, and physical.

Ahem, Maggie with WellnessWinz chiming in here! 5 GOLD STARS go to Lucy for recognizing the complex nature of wellness and having such an incredible understanding of what it’s all about! BRAVO!

 

5) How does your definition of wellness play into your many roles in life as a mother, a professional, and a woman of faith? 

I’m currently reading Daring Greatly by Brene Brown and in the book she talks about self-love; that we can’t love our spouses and our children the way we are truly called to do unless we love ourselves. I think women, especially mothers, neglect themselves because they believe they need to always do more and be more for the people in their lives. I do feel called to lay down my life for those who have been entrusted to my care, but I feel that you can do that without sacrificing the body God has given you to be a good steward of.  If you aren’t taking good care of yourself, how can you be the best wife, mother, friend and professional that you are truly called to be?

Lucy's First Whole 30

Before & After Lucy’s first Whole30

 

6) What made you interested in representing Arbonne

I love that I work for a company that is truly changing lives. We offer the gift of a healthy product that could potentially change someone’s skin, help them to lose weight, and feel confident about who they are. I also love that I can give to others the gift of a life changing business that can allow them to be at home with their families, gain financial freedom, pursue a dream job, or assist a spouse who may be drowning at work. The list goes on and on.

The best part of my work is getting to partner with others on their journey towards clean eating and achieving a healthy, balanced lifestyle. Arbonne creates an incredible culture of empowerment. It’s truly unique. I also love that I have a product that I can stand behind. I truly don’t have to sell anything in Arbonne; I just have the amazing opportunity to share and educate people on why a healthy product could better serve them and their families.

Lucy's family

 

7) Do you have any additional health advice you’d like to impart on readers? 

Wellness is just like our lives – it’s a journey. It’s meant to be a progression. Good health, just like weight loss, doesn’t happen overnight. I believe that we’re meant to find joy in the journey. So, be merciful with yourself and the process (albeit that’s not an excuse to give up!) 🙂

 

Clap – Clap – Clap!!!!

Lucy, thank you SO much for sharing your story with us all. You have been the epitome of vulnerable and open in this Q&A, with the intention of helping others. I hope that other women can embrace this quality, too! 

 

Yours in health and wellness,

Maggie

wellnesswinz blue sea

 

What I Learned About the Body…after I got hit by a car (Part 2)

If you’re joining the story now, please feel free to read the first part of it: http://bit.ly/1Leo8Fp

These are lessons that I have learned the hard way and that I’m here to share.  

 car accident 4

 

Lesson #5: Don’t give up on finding the right care from the right professional

It can be incredibly difficult to navigate the confusing network of health professionals. So many people get lost when they try to figure out if they should seek treatment options from general practitioners, massage therapists, physical therapists, acupuncture specialists, chiropractic doctors, nutritionists, personal trainers, psychologists, and more. One common question is: “Should I try one at a time or opt for multiple forms of treatment at once?” This is a tricky question to answer because it’s very different for each and every person, according to their condition and stage of healing.

For me, I’ve tried it all. Literally. I sought out acupuncture and cupping techniques with one specialist, cognitive therapy for post-traumatic stress with another, chiropractic adjustments with two doctors, physical therapy with five different professionals, and massage therapies from an uncountable number of nimble-fingered individuals. This is not even an exhaustive list of the professionals I worked with while trying to recover from my accident. The reason I kept trying different things is because every person gave me a different opinion. I would give heed to their opinion and try their approach for a while and if it wasn’t working out, then I moved on to the next.

Although I had moments when tears of frustration would roll down my face, feeling like I had set out on a fruitless treasure hunt, I just knew that I had to keep trying. What on earth would happen if I gave up?!  Thus, the years stretched on, but ironically, I started to learn so much more than I bargained for. I began to learn how to heal other people who were dealing with back pain. In the time that it took me to heal my own, I helped over a dozen people quickly dissolve their issues. Perhaps, I thought, those seemingly pointless efforts with other health professionals weren’t such a waste of time after all!

In the end, I’ve learned that different stages of healing may require different forms of assistance. For example, there was a time when the most important thing for me to do was heal emotionally. Once I was calmer, I began to believe in the physical healing process again. Once I rebooted that journey, I found that needling in physical therapy worked for a while, to bring flexibility back to stiff muscles that had been stuck in spasm. At another point, I found that my muscles were flexible enough to allow my back to get adjusted into alignment by a chiropractor. And finally, I found that my body was getting better and better at keeping me in alignment all on its own, thanks to being able to increase strength training again.

car accident 5

This long, drawn-out process is just my story. (Believe it or not, we barely scratched the surface.) It doesn’t have to be so convoluted for everyone. What’s important is that you keep looking for the right help. Once you’ve found a great professional, give them time to really impact your body with their treatment/approach. Full healing won’t happen overnight so try not to leave after your first session expecting the process to be done.

Lastly on this subject, although I’m preaching to give practitioners time and patience, it’s also important to recognize and get out of a bad situation. One chiropractor I used to work with actually had the audacity to tell me not to gain weight, citing that it wouldn’t be attractive to men. It was so out of the blue (not to mention UNCALLED FOR) that it completely took me aback. I told the chauvinist straight to his face that he was lucky he said that to me and not another woman because I wouldn’t sue the pants off of him for harassment. This was not the first comment of his that was inappropriate. I walked out of his clinic that day and never turned back. There is nothing more damaging than someone who is supposed to heal you trying to tear you down instead. I deserved better. You deserve better.

 

Lesson #6: Inflammation does weird things to the body

Yes, it’s true. When inflammation is high, your body reacts in strange and confusing ways. For example, I already mentioned to you that my body gained a lot of weight during this time. Part of this weight gain was my body hoarding fat because it was scared for its life (rightfully so). Another part of the weight gain was because of excessive water retention. My body couldn’t figure out how to flush anything through its system because it was so backed up and slowed down by all the stresses it was trying to combat.

I can remember one evening when I was with a group of friends, and the guy I liked at the time, at a bar. I drank a cocktail and it sent me over the edge. I felt sick and got an intense menopausal-like hot flash. I couldn’t understand what was going on with my body. All I knew was that I needed to cool down FAST. I was profusely sweating through my dress. I told my friends that I needed to go to the bathroom but instead, I snuck around the bar counter and flung open a beer fridge’s door. If I could have squeezed my whole body into that cool little space I would have. I was desperate.

I understand now that when the body is severely inflamed, even simple things like eating a food that you are sensitive to, or drinking an alcoholic beverage, can tip you into unpredictable states of discomfort. I wish I could say exactly what happens to each person in every scenario known to man, but I can’t. I can only say that keeping attuned to your healthy – or unhealthy – habits is more important than ever. Pay attention to how your body is reacting. It’s a powerful experience to realize just how prepared our bodies are to defend themselves. It physically feels like a bad thing, but it’s actually a good thing in the end.

There was another time that I experienced something really bizarre, that I think may have been related to inflammation too. It happened to me was about a year after the accident. I went for a jog on a treadmill one afternoon. It felt good. Later that day, I had red spots all over my legs. I couldn’t tell if they were burst blood capillaries, an allergic reaction, or what! Even doctors weren’t sure. It was terrifying.

I’m still not sure what the red spots were from but I have my suspicions. I was hyped up on Ambien every night, to help with my insomnia, and I took pain killers from time to time, when my pain got really bad. In other words, my body was dealing with a lot of foreign substances. It seemed that anything wacky was game to happen.

Since I noticed that my body was obviously NOT okay with me putting anything foreign or toxic into it, I started to strip down my diet and reduce medications. I was extra careful about everything I put into my body. Over time, eating clean and being cautious about medicines really helped me. I think the crazy bodily dysfunctions were its way of telling me to stop putting foreign substances into it, and to let it do what the human body is best at: take care of me.

car accident 1

 Pictures on top = post-exercise red spots.

Pictures below = marks from cupping treatments I did for a while…definitely not ideal during sundress season. 

 

Lesson #7: If your spirit is defeated, your body is defeated

A few months after my accident my cousin visited. She was excited to see Washington, DC and at the time, I lived smack dab in the center of “the action.” She was in my bathroom, showering and primping to get ready for a fun girls’ night out, while I was in my bed, head spinning and body screaming for more sleep. She came into the room and asked if I was feeling okay. The only thing I could say was “I feel like I want to go to sleep and never wake up again.”

She was in obvious shock at my statement and shared her concern. I had to explain to her that I wasn’t suicidal; I just didn’t want to keep fighting. I was spent! My comment just felt like the most natural statement I could make at the moment.

This feeling of burnout lasted for a while. I made many careless mistakes during that time in my life. I went out partying, initiated arguments with my family over nothing, and showed interest in “bad boys” when I had forever favored mamas’ boys. It wasn’t until I started to put more effort into finding peace within myself and with God that I got back on track.

I decided to initiate this process by taking a month off of work. I spent lots of time soul-searching in coffee shops and wrote a book that reconnected me to my faith. As I wrote, I started to realize that I wasn’t alone. I could stop feeling so afraid. I can still remember the day that I fell down to my knees in my shower – it hit me out of nowhere that God had been there for me the whole time, even when I had forgotten and lost my way. I began to understand how to replenish my spirit and thereby discovered energy to move forward and physically heal.

 

Lesson #8: The universe has a wonderful way of bringing the right people your way during times of need

I wonder if I would still be married to my husband if I hadn’t been hit by that car. I know it sounds crazy but it’s true! I met my husband during my “bad boy” streak and he was the farthest thing from dismissive, rude and reckless. He was compassionate and full of life. Although I tried to shrug him off, his persistence and light kept me tethered. Although I didn’t feel attractive or worthy at that time, he saw every good thing about me even though I was focused so exclusively on the bad.

I remember the night that we met. We ended up dancing for hours. Dancing became our favorite thing to do during the first few months of knowing one another. It felt great. We would find places to dance in the city and would continue dancing in our living rooms. Wherever we were, we found a way to celebrate and have fun. It was the most refreshing experience ever.

I really do believe that he was sent into my life at the exact right time. He helped show me that healing was possible and that there is much to be excited about, even when you’re not feeling physically great. I would briefly forget about my pain while I was having fun and laughing with him. Soon, the bouts of pain became less frequent and less severe. Eventually, I would go an entire 24 hours without severe pain. Even when pain did hit me with a vengeance, I found new ways to stay calm because I realized that someday I would get over it completely. Everything was going to be okay.

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Lesson #9: Moments of weakness and frustration are not signs that you’re failing to heal

I wish I could say that healing is a linear process but alas, I can’t do that. I had many hang-ups and pitfalls along the way. Sometimes I would feel gently defeated and other times I would feel like an utter failure, but I learned to get over those negative mentalities. I learned to get stronger each and every time.

Simple moments challenged me, like when I slipped on ice during the winter and my back went into a brief spasm, and when friends would ask me to go to tough exercise classes with them and I would have to say no even though I had formerly always said yes. There were other more profound moments that set back my body and spirits too. For example, one mid-summer day I collapsed in my apartment building’s garage. It was three years after the accident but I still had moments when my back would give out on me. I had been carrying heavy groceries because I was planning to spend the whole day cooking for family that was in town. It was a quiet hour in the middle of the day so no one was around to help me. I crawled, dragging my groceries along the garage floor, until I reached the elevator. I tried to stand up in the elevator and keeled over again. I kept trying to get back on my feet but I collapsed another two times as I made my way down the hallway to my apartment. Once inside, I cried until I was too tired to cry more.

Although moments like this have the power to defeat you, they aren’t a sign that you haven’t made progress. Every time I would reignite the pain, I would get over it a little faster than before. Each time, I learned something valuable.

 

Lesson #10: Learning to let go is the final step

Has my body reached pre-trauma condition? Honestly…no. But, have I fully recovered? Yes. Let me explain…

Up until a few short years ago, I still had to put a heating pack on my back a few times every month. I would also occasionally have a sleepless night or two when my nerves would get set off and I’d fear falling back into insomnia. To this day, my back and hips have remained a little more sensitive and prone to instability. I keep it under control though.

My heart will always feel a little bit sad when I think of how dark some of those days of pain were but I also know that they taught me a lot. I decided years ago that I would be okay and my body has followed me in that decision. I’ve learned exactly what to do in 15-20 minutes to immediately correct a flare-up that would formerly last for months. I’ve also learned that I’m capable of surviving one of the worst kinds of pain in the world – the loss of self-identity. If I can rediscover myself and come out stronger, I know that you can too.

Recovery is possible when we decide to let go of hurt and move on. It’s a single, simple, profound decision [to let go] that one has to consistently choose, every day and during every moment of frustration. It’s a decision that is made in the midst of pain that can pull you through to the other side.

I believe that the power of letting go can have a meaningful impact in anyone’s life. I encourage you to give it a try.

 

I sincerely hope that sharing this authentic story will help someone else

find healing and joy soon too.

“Start believing you can.”

Maggie

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