Tag Archives: wellness journey

All the Times I Felt Unworthy: My Journey to the Heart of Women’s Wellness

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How many times have I felt unworthy?

Let me count the ways…

 

 

Body Image Starts in Childhood

Once when I was very young, another little girl compared the size of her thighs to mine. I never thought about how my dense, muscular legs were larger than most girls but suddenly it was plain as day.

That one brief interaction stripped me of my body image innocence. I’m not sure if it started then or later, but I spent my childhood and teenage years feeling self-conscious in shorts and skirts, and preferred to sit with a pillow or sweater on my lap at social events during warm weather.

The Harmful Normalization of Narrow Beauty Standards

Shortly after I hit puberty, I found myself sitting on the opposite side of a desk from a middle-aged, male orthodontist. He tried to convince me that I should get braces because my teeth were slightly off-center from the midline of my face.

I can still remember how he tried to pierce my presumed ego and insecurities at the same time, telling me that I had a pretty face and who knows – maybe I would want to be a model some day with that face?

“If you want to be a model one day you’re going to need to have a straight smile because modeling is all about symmetry. You don’t see models with crooked teeth,” he warned despite the fact that I never once shared any appearance concerns or career aspirations with him.

I’ve never once wanted to be a model.

(Remember the thick legs? I already knew it was out of the question anyway.)

I’m proud of my younger self for her righteous anger and standing firm in the convinction that she was fine without braces. But, if I’m being honest, I remember not wanting them because I was scared that wearing braces would make me “less pretty.”

 

The Damage Inflicted by People in Authority in Places of Trust

I was “acting out” because I refused to sit silently through Sunday school lessons taught by a man who was discussing sexual topics from the Bible in a way that was making the girls in the class visibly uncomfortable, seemingly to his amusement. I could tell he was being inappropriate even if he wasn’t outwardly trying to assault someone.

Church leaders who weren’t there to observe his perverted instruction assumed that I was the one with an issue since I was speaking up about it, as though my experience must count worth less because of being young and female.

Trauma Takes Its Toll

I was hit by a car when I was in my early twenties. I experienced chronic back pain and instability for years and my PTSD, insomnia, and physical job were contributing to inflammation. Physically healing from the accident was grueling and long, but the recovery that was just as significant was that of my self worth.

My identity and feelings of worth were the biggest casualties from the accident. Both hung on by a thread as my exercise options became limited and I overate in response to stress. I never imagined that gaining ~15 pounds could make me feel so devastated about life at large. I went into a career in fitness to help people improve health and feel good in their bodies only to realize how much of my own self-esteem’s foundation lay squarely in my apperance. 

 

Broken Medical Systems & The Loneliness Epidemic

The accident in my early twenties would have plummeted me into medical bankruptcy were it not for my parents coming to my aid. I couldn’t afford my own healthcare and didn’t have any paid time off from work as a commission-based fitness professional, so I had to take unpaid leave to recover.

I’ve never felt more lonely, undersupported, and fearful in my entire life. As it turns out, there are many things that can contribute to feeling unworthy including loneliness and limited resources for support.

Damned if You Do, Damned if You Don’t

After I gave birth to my first child, I decided to let go of a business dream and stay at home to breastfeed and raise my son. I planned to keep pursuing part-time “alternative” career options, but the lack of a traditional career and formal title did something shocking to me.

I was overwhelmed and humbled by how quickly I fell from relevance in conversations at social gatherings and even in discussions at holidays with family. I became less visible. I took up less space. I became secondary in value to the breadwinners and people advancing along the corporate ladder.

I realized the sobering truth that women lose value in “a man’s world” when they don’t have a traditional career. At the same time, women working full-time jobs are judged for tasks they can’t complete at home due to career pressures.

Women are expected to do it all and do it perfectly to gain applause for a job well done in our culture. This is toxic to women across all career and family choices and paths. It places a woman’s worth beyond her abilities and beyond where it truly resides (within herself).

 

Fertility Struggles and Stigma

I experienced one pregnancy loss prior to the pandemic and knew that it wasn’t out of the realm of possibility to happen again, but I never thought that it actually would. I also didn’t imagine that any loss I might endure would be a late loss following a poor prenatal diagnosis amid a novel pandemic.

When I woke up following a routine pregnancy loss removal for second trimester losses, I was told that I had experienced an unexpected emergency that resulted in a life-saving surgery. To this day, I have a four-inch vertical scar down my abdomen that I can’t stand the sight of. And yet…I’ve come to accept it. To be honest, I will never be okay with my scar cosmetically, but I wholeheartedly embrace everything it taught me.

I experienced so much shame, grief and despair following that loss that I felt like I had suddenly lost the whole of myself. My lingering feelings of overwhelm about the complicated pregnancy were amplified when I looked out into the mainstream and witnessed hostile political debates, harmful language from people in my faith, and damaging black and white judgements cast on women sitting in challenging medical situations and life changing circumstances.

One thing that continues to jump out at me is that women are the sole targets in all of the harmful finger pointing about reproductive rights, abortions, miscarriges, infertility, and more. We are the ones who shoulder the weight of these trials and the shame, blame, and judgement of society. Women are the ones whose value lessens in the eyes of society when fertility circumstances don’t go as hoped and planned.

Reclaiming Worth

I’m a woman of privilege and fortunate circumstances, but I still feel the constant battle within myself against cultural narratives that feed us lies about what makes women valuable, desirable, good, productive, and worthy. I’m guessing that women in less fortunate circumstances and with other kinds of trauma struggle with feeling worthy too. I’m guessing that feeling unworthy is a battle for the many women who have been physically abused, raped, manipulated, harrassed, paid less than they deserve, told they are inferior to their husbands, judged for their body size, and more.

As a wellness professional for many years, I have noticed firsthand how hundreds of women struggle with deep, unnamed insecurities regardless of outward success, health, or appearances. I’ve had the privilege of working with our nation’s leaders and some of the most successful professionals in Washington, DC, but no amount of money or prestige takes away from the damage of feeling undersupported and judged as a woman.

According to data, nearly half of all women worldwide struggle with self doubt. When I sit with this truth, I realize that there are both simple and complex solutions to address this.

The first, simple step begins with reinforcing that “Every Woman is Worthy” so that women are empowered to name and claim their inherent worth. The next, more complicated steps are in how we approach and support women on an individual basis, person to person. When we take care of individual women’s complex and myriad needs in real and compassionate ways then we pave the way for collective healing and send the cultural message that women are worthy and deserving of both bottom-up and top-down justice.

 

 

My Solution to Help Women Know Their Worth

I’m very excited to announce that I have launched a new business called Every Woman is Worthy™ to address the individual and collective harm done to women’s wellness by the cultural narrative that a woman’s worth is something to be proven or achieved. The idea started as a new slogan for my longstanding blog, WellnessWinz, and evolved over the course of a year and a half into a brand all its own…

Every Woman is Worthy™

Every Woman is Worthy™ is a brand on a mission to elevate women through inspired products and intentional actions.

Every Woman is Worthy™ offers inspirational products featured in wearable and giftable collections to spread its empowering and healing message. Our products are made on demand with responsible manufacturing partners to reduce waste, offset shipping CO2 emissions, utilize fabric scraps, use recycled materials for mail polymers, and more.

Every Woman is Worthy™ emphasizes people over profits and would not be complete without our mission; Intentional Actions.

In a world that seldom offers real-time, hands-on support for women, we’re here to motivate people to show up with compassion and assistance. This doesn’t have to cost anything but an open heart and a little bit of time. Think of us as your accountability buddy to address a real and pressing need that you see in a woman’s life (or even your own).

There are many more details about our products and mission directly on the site: https://everywomanisworthy.com/ and you can follow along here or on instagram: @everywomanisworthy

The conversation is just beginning with #everywomanisworthy. Women from all around the globe are resonating with this message already. It’s SO exciting to imagine a future where women know their worth and are better supported!

Yours in health and wellness,

Maggie

What the Transition Phase of Exercise Can Teach Us About the Body and Life

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In my 15+ years spent working with people’s bodies, I have yet to see a single person willingly slow down during the “transition phase” of an exercise. The body’s tendency is to rush through it, but this is unquestionably the most important part of every exercise movement. The transition phase is where we experience the greatest challenge and reap the most benefit.

So, what is the transition phase and what can it teach us about how to optimize our workouts? Better yet, what can it teach us about living a life of wellness?

 

 

What’s the Transition Phase? Why is it Important?

Simply put, the transition phase is the hardest part of any given exercise movement when the muscle(s) goes from a shortening action to a lengthening one, or vice versa. In weightlifting terminology these actions are called concentric (shortening/contracting) and eccentric (lengthening/elongating). Every single active exercise involves muscular transition phases including running, walking, lifting, dancing, team sports, and more. Static exercises that involve holding a posture or position are the only ones that don’t (ex: a plank hold or staying in down dog) .

Transition phases typically happen at the top or bottom of an exercise movement. For example, the bottom of a squat is a transition phase and the top of a shoulder press is a transition phase. Both of these examples are when the direction of the movement is changing and the muscles have to work harder, especially when lengthening and becoming less stable. This is when many people begin to feel fatigued and rush through the movement. For example, a person a doing squats will pop back up to standing as quickly as they can or will avoid going as low as earlier reps. A person doing the shoulder press might also rush, limit range of motion by not fully extending in the elbows, or forget to breathe.

As long as a person isn’t risking injury, it’s best to slow down during the transition phase instead of hurry up. While this leads to greater discomfort in the short term, it yields far greater returns in strength, stamina, and flexibility.

Not all reps are made equal.

People can rush through the transition phase for 12 reps of a shoulder press and have so-so gains in strength or they can take their time and work with their breath to slowly move through those same 12 reps and yield far greater muscle breakdown from the workout. As you probably already know, muscle breakdown is what leads to soreness. Recovering from soreness is part of the necessary equation for muscle and strength gains.

Slow Transition Phase = More Muscle Breakdown = Sore Muscles =

*Greater Strength

(*after recovery)

We humans have a fondness for physical comfort but ironically, that’s not what propels us forward the most.

 

 

Approach the Transition Phase with Wisdom

I’m not one to preach “go hard or go home” about anything, especially fitness. I used to be gung-ho about working out and putting myself through the gauntlet but that’s no longer my approach. I’ve matured over time and now see how harmful that mentality can be – for my own health and for my clients’ well-being. Pushing hard even when our bodies scream to stop or slow down is a really good way to risk injury.

With this in mind, it’s crucial that we approach the transition phase of each exercise rep with wisdom. Listening to our bodies is crucial to avoid injury and burnout. There are times when working hard helps us grow and other times when it can have quite the opposite effect. If we’re sick, run down physically, emotionally depleted, overcome with stress, or under-rested then we serve our bodies best by choosing to recover. At the very least we must learn to balance our strenuous exercises with meditation, stretching, and relaxation to calm our nervous systems.

In summary: You must be judicious about how much and when you push hard through each movement. Never ignore warning signs from your body such as dizziness, sharp pain, joint discomfort, lightheadedness, nausea, the sensation that you might drop the weight at any moment, etc. It’s important that you know when to stop.

 

 

Life Lessons from the Transition Phase

Change takes time

We’ve all heard the old adage “change takes time” and that’s true with more than exercise. Certain things take time even when we would prefer them not to – like pregnancy, education, wine making, you name it. The real life examples are endless and there are tangible consequences for shortchanging seasons of transition and growth.

I used to be the kind of person who wanted to get everything done in a hurry. When I had my first child a full month early for no clear reason I wondered how much of my innate desire to control and rush through life had harmed things. Although my son turned out to be healthy, the experience compelled me to approach my following four pregnancies quite differently. I allowed myself a lot more rest and took things slower than I might have otherwise done. The need to be patient and calm as my body changed was crucial during the major physical and emotional transitions of each pregnancy.

Breathe through stress

Learning to breathe is crucial during the transition phase in exercise. Inhaling gives us the necessary oxygen for exercise and exhaling gives us a burst of force (and a tighter core) to get through the hard part of a rep. The same goes for life. We must learn to breathe deeply for optimal health and nervous system regulation. Shallow breathing results in staying in a fight-or-flight mode with high stress hormones that wreak havoc on our health. Breathwork can help us physically and emotionally regulate our bodies during overwhelming transitions like moving homes, starting a new job, preparing to get married, trying to conceive, etc.

 

 

Spiritual Transition Phases

Transition phases can happen physically, emotionally and spiritually. The world is more interconnected digitally than ever before and this exposure to new ways of thinking and living has the potential to change people’s worldview and beliefs. I personally believe we are collectively moving away from religious exclusivism and elitism but that this slow-moving evolution (i.e. transition phase) comes with growth pains and pushback, especially from fundamentalist groups. I will be curious to see if humanity can find new and healing ways to come together spiritually. If we can, I believe the health of both humanity and the earth will improve. Women’s individual and collective wellness will benefit too.

 

 

Wellness is Defined by the Transitions

Wellness will always be inclusive of the things in life that push us through discomfort and challenge us to grow. Wellness is more of a holistic approach to living than it is a static state of unchanging good health.

The next time we find ourselves in a “transition phase,” be it mid-workout or mid-workday, I hope we can slow down, lean into the discomfort, breathe deeply, stay patient, and grow.

 

Yours in health and wellness,

Maggie

 

 

Can Positivity Be Toxic and Hurt Our Health?

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A new buzzword has circulated the web since 2020: Toxic Positivity…

The pairing of these two terms can make some people feel prickly and others like someone finally gets it. It’s my nature to empathize with opposing views. I often find myself somewhere in the middle, chewing on it all. As a wellness and fitness coach, I see both perspectives and have lived both.

Perhaps the balanced discussion of toxic positivity in this post will help inform you about where positive thinking helps health and when/where it may hurt it. And per usual, I write this with one big caveat – every person is unique and will find themselves at a different place on the “positive vibes” spectrum.

Take my experience, for example…

I was the classic American, privileged, white girl with a stable family and home growing up. I saw the world through rosy-colored lens and stood at a comfortable arms length from any real suffering. In middle school I ran around proclaiming “Life is good!” shortly before it was coined on popular t-shirts in the 90s. I was 100% Miss Positive Vibes. I didn’t have any reason not to be.

 

 

As I grew up and got a little more kicked around by life (you can read about some of those experiences here: Hit by a Car and Pregnancy Loss), I came to better understand the people who met my youthful enthusiasm and can-do attitude with quiet irritation or outward eyerolls. This fresh understanding doesn’t mean that I’m not going to do my best to move forward in life with a hopeful disposition, but it certainly changed how I speak to and empathize with people in the jaws of suffering, grief and loss.

I don’t think our culture is obsessed with people being miserable as some other wellness advocates have suggested. By contrast, I think our culture is addicted to numbing. We find ways to avoid pain or offer quick fixes for it rather than addressing its roots. [Enter: “Toxic positivity,” substance abuse, fear avoidance, spiritual bypassing, grief hierarchies, food addictions, and more.]

A positive disposition is not in and of itself a harmful thing until it prevents us from really sitting with other people in their pain. The very definition of compassion is to suffer together and be motivated to help the suffering person. In other words, compassion compels some people to sit with the person who suffers, acknowledging and hearing their pain, and motivates others to “fix” the suffering. This is where some people in a place of hardship may feel frustrated by futile attempts from loved ones to offer solutions for the painful circumstance. [Hello again, toxic positivity phrases such as “at least you still have…things could be much worse…try to see the bright side…I have a book you should read to help with this,” etc.]

 

 

The complaint against positivity is that it’s not okay when it denies acknowledging hard feelings to the exclusion of positive ones. We are whole beings with ALL the feels at one time or another. This is natural. This is life. This is still within the wellness spectrum; to be fully human.

When we only offer up ideas to solve the pain of another, we miss the other, perhaps more genuine, side of compassion: the “suffer together” side. I would personally rephrase this and call it the “I’m here for you and whatever you need” component of compassion. In times of great need, people must feel free to tell you what they need rather than the other way around. We’re all different and thus, our grief and healing needs will be unique too. We can’t slap boilerplate fixes, numbing tools, and “perk up buttercup” messages to all of humanity.

To sum, positivity becomes “toxic” (i.e., not situationally sensitive) when it:

  • Diminishes the feelings of another
  • Puts another’s grief or hardship into a hierarchy to suggest it’s less difficult than “X”
  • Dismisses or minimizes another’s lived experience
  • Addresses a complicated situation with a cliché phrase or one-size-fits-all perspective
  • Suggests that you’re unwilling to listen due to your own personal discomfort around the subject

Negative emotions can actually inform and grow us emotionally, mentally and spiritually when we work through them. Denying emotions – both negative and positive – can result in distress. As evidenced by one study, suppressing emotional reactions of all kinds can lead to increased heart rate and other physiological symptoms of overwhelm and anxiety. In short, we must authentically confront and work through ALL emotions.

 

 

But if toxic positivity is the harmful denial of negative emotions then doesn’t it stand to reason that “toxic negativity” exists too?

YES.

Negative feelings left unchecked can spiral and wreak havoc on our physical and mental health. That said, it’s entirely natural to oscillate back and forth between positive and negative feelings. So long as we don’t assign labels like “good” and “bad” to the variety of emotions that we humans experience then we’re making at least some small steps of progress.

The wellness industry has been bashed for selling “positive vibes only” for the last decade or two, and heck – even my site’s tagline can be interpreted as toxic positivity. I picked “start believing you can” as the tagline years ago because I saw (and still see) the way that negative self beliefs limit people when it comes to their health and fitness. This does NOT mean positive thoughts will fix all things or that people in a state of suffering can simply adapt an optimistic attitude and “think” themselves better. What it does mean is that faith in ourselves, even in the face of great adversity, is fundamental to persevering the many highs and lows that life doles out.

So, toxic positivity and toxic negativity…meh. They’re just words. Don’t get too hung up on them. Instead, put your energy into embracing authentic living and sincere compassion. These are some of the best tools for wellness.

Start believing you can.

Yours in health and wellness,

Maggie

 

 

 

Religion vs. Evidence-Based Science: An Integrative Philosophy for Wellness

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People like to pit religion against evidence-based science, and vice versa. I’ve heard of some Christians, for example, who write off modern evolution theories like clergymen used to write off Galileo’s then-revolutionary scientific findings about the earth and sun because such findings opposed outdated understandings about the earth in scripture (i.e. pre-telescope guesses about how the planets revolved). I’ve also seen atheist Christmas stockings with text bubbles spelling out “BANG!” above images depicting the scientific evolution of humanity from apes. Perhaps the most recent example that comes to mind is the religious skepticism tied to some of the anti-vaccination buzz amid the Covid-19 pandemic. Unfortunately, many attention-grabbing arguments and loud voices choose strict sides in this debate, as though preparing for a life-and-death game of dodgeball.

 

 

The world loves to think in black and white. It marries itself to binary perspectives because they are the most logical. To integrate dichotomous philosophies requires much more thought, contemplation and introspection. But I suggest trying it.

Here’s why…

Wellness is at its best when it’s approached in a multi-pronged and integrative way. I believe science and religion are also at their best when viewed as complementary forces instead of enemies at war. When they are integrated into the understanding of the human experience, we can take better care of ourselves than ever before, serving both our utmost physical needs and intangible longings of the soul.

It turns out that scientists and theologians aren’t all that different…

Many famous scientists are known for their belief in God including Isaac Newton, Galileo Galilei, Rene Descartes, Johannes Kepler, and Sir Francis Bacon, to name a few. One Catholic group explains that the scientist and theologian are fairly similar, especially in light of the scientific method: “The fact that he [the scientist] must seek answers proves that they are not in sight. The fact that he continues to seek them in spite of all difficulties testifies to his unconquerable conviction that those answers, although not presently in sight, do in fact exist. Truly, the scientist too walks by faith and not by sight.”

 

 

Albert Einstein famously said:

“Science without religion is lame,

religion without science is blind.”

I believe most people find themselves in some difficult-to-define balance between these two forces, using one and then the other to explain their life’s circumstances and beliefs. And that’s okay! Science operates in the realm of what we can logically understand about the body and nature while religion and spirituality operate on what is above our logical brains. Spirituality relies on the inexplicable and infinite whereas science rests firmly on the finite components of this world. As you can see, the two were never supposed to be forces at war. They complement one another, with spirituality picking up where the limitations of science, research and evidence have been reached.

I’ve heard of people inexplicably recovering from grim medical diagnoses because they found God or began a spiritual practice involving prayer and meditation. If science could keep an eye on every cell of the person’s body throughout that healing process then perhaps it might find an explanation for how the body corrected itself…or perhaps it wouldn’t. Personally, I’m okay resting into the unknowns and inexplicable. It gives me some measure of reprieve that there are aspects of us that can never be contained to an evidence-based study or a research lab. In fact, the more that I seek concrete answers in life the more that I find they seldom exist.

 

 

The more that I stretch my brain and heart to integrate multiple competing perspectives into my understanding about the mysteries of this world, the better off I am. It’s like that famous Indigo Girls song (yes, I rocked out to them in the 1990s):

“And I went to the doctor, I went to the mountains
I looked to the children, I drank from the fountains
There’s more than one answer to these questions
Pointing me in a crooked line
And the less I seek my source for some definitive
Closer I am to fine, yeah”

So yes, one day I’m going to throw my hands up in celebration over a groundbreaking scientific discovery (ahem…mRNA vaccine trials for cancer) and another moment I’m going to raise my palms to the sky in praise of The Infinite. The One. The Mystery.

I’ve been given every reason to trust medicine because it has saved my body (and my oldest son) from tremendous harm and death. I also have every reason to trust in a greater power that can’t be contained by the laws of science because I have felt another kind of saving deep in my soul; the kind that allows me to be free from fear of death and open to abundant joy in this life, even in the desperate and broken moments. This peculiar balance has been paramount to my wellness journey.

 

 

Now, my question is this: Will you be brave enough? Brave enough to believe that you don’t have to pick sides after all?

It requires a leap of faith in two directions at once.

Yours in health and wellness,

Maggie

 

 

Will 2021 Be the Year? [we reclaim our health]

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I’ve worked with throngs of individuals who feel the need to pay someone like me to get them in shape because doing it on their own feels impossible. I’m happy to oblige but if I’m being honest? My services are disposable. At least, I hope they are. I know that’s an odd thing to say but my heart’s desire for each of my clients is that they get this thing called “health” figured out for themselves for the long haul, joyfully parting ways with me when they’re ready and confident.

There are endless excuses and hurdles though. More work conferences to prepare for. Late evenings spent at the computer. Crappy nights of sleep that make things like exercise and nutritious food choices seem like mountains too big to climb. Task lists get longer. Soccer games and birthday party drop-offs swallow up whole weekend afternoons. Even Sunday church is followed by a brisk visit to the grocery store, weekly meal prep, and an hour at the desk to pay the monthly bills and tend to stray emails. There’s scarcely a chance to breathe let alone fit in the ever-popular “self-care” everyone raves about. Not to mention, all the hyped-up self-care can be darn expensive.

The cost of a gym membership is compounded with purchasing organic foods, slipping away for the occasional trip to a day spa, and finding the budget for weekend getaways with the spouse, after which…err…is there enough left to pay off the pile of student debt while adding to the children’s future college tuition? Maybe yes…maybe…gulp…no. Oops, did I forget to mention HEALTH INSURANCE?

Anyone else feel the room closing in?

Okay, okay, let’s just slow down for a second. Does it have to be this complicated?

As much as 2020 will be burned into our memories for all the bad things that have happened, all the loved ones lost, all the jobs and industries that have been damaged due to covid-19, what about the stuff that might actually be…dare I say it? Good for us.

The disastrous year we leave behind has established three facts that I hope people begin to embrace:

*Taking care of health is critically important, not optional.

 *Humans are social beings who need one another to thrive.

*Staying overwhelmingly busy and constantly on-the-go is not the only way to live and certainly not to thrive.

 

 

About that last one…let that sink in. Once it does, I would hope it becomes clear that there can finally be space in our lives for the ever-important acts of self-care. It’s a matter of priority and choice. And once we make room for these things, our health and well-being are finally where they ought to be: A part of our daily lives instead of always on the backburner.

Last year took a lot away from each and every one of us. There’s little doubt about that. During 2020, I lost my third son during pregnancy. A loss that I still grieve every day months later. Like many people, it’s getting lumped into my head as “2020…the year the world spun into chaos.” We each have our reasons for grief and longing even as they take different forms. But something that the interfaith pastor said during my son’s funeral stuck with me: 

That despite how powerless each family felt mourning a pregnancy or infant loss at the communal burial that day, we each got to decide how to move forward from this life-altering experience. We could let our losses turn us bitter or we could use them to change for the better, to be a source of light to a bleeding world, to allow empathy and compassion to be born from the trenches of despair.

I feel like her words ring true for all of us as 2021 begins. The hardships are not over and there is a long road of healing ahead, even as the pandemic rages on. There is no switch we can flip or button we can press that will immediately turn off the long-term effects of 2020. We simply have the opportunity of choice as we each move forward:

The choice to reclaim the good health we deserve.

 

 

Yes, covid-19 has dominated our lives for the better part of 2020, but what about the global chronic disease crisis? The latter has been on the rise for the last few decades, so much so that people seem numb to words like obesity, diabetes, hypertension, and heart disease. Drug and alcohol use have also been on the rise, as has suicide.

The increasingly busy and interconnected world brings with it many advantages but it has tipped the scales away from wellness for far too long. My question is this: Will we continue to let it?

Will we allow the slower pace of our lifestyles during 2019 to be swallowed up by the rush to make up for lost time once a vaccination has been widely distributed? Or will we finally learn – and choose – to create space for exercise, healthy cooking and quality time with our families?

…I think of all the people we have been losing daily. There are no memorials for the covid-19 victims, only growing lists of names and death certificates to add to the pile. I think to myself…is this it? Will we allow 2021 to be the year we get a vaccine and a quick taste of “freedom” again before falling right back into our prior habits and unhealthy lifestyles? Is all we have to show for 2020 and the upcoming winter going to be loss, heartache and missed opportunities?

Or perhaps…perhaps…the way we build memorials to our loved ones and all the faceless strangers is to change. For the better. Starting now.

Let’s not let this long dark night of humanity be in vain. Let’s make the choice individually to reclaim our health and well-being, in their honor. So…

…Will it be the year? What do you think?

 

Psstt…if you have any burning questions for a fitness professional or would like advice on exercise form then please don’t hesitate to contact me (below) to take advantage of my best-ever rate on a fitness service:

Just $20 for a 15-minute consult to address your top fitness/wellness concern or question. I promise to give you lots of actionable advice and to point you in the right direction. Offers end 01/18/21. 

 

Yours in health and wellness,

Maggie

 

 

Glimmers of Joy Amid Grief, Loss and Loneliness

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I’ve been quiet on the blog and social media for the last month or so – and for good reason. Starting in mid-September, my husband and I started to get some bad news about the prognosis for our third son’s health and pregnancy outcome. We were devastated thinking about a child being born into a life of pain and suffering, and at the same time, we were mortified of losing him prematurely.

My body had been sending me signals that something was very “off” throughout this pregnancy and I feared for the worst. When I found out it was another boy (I have two sons already), my gut instinctively pulled hard: This little one is not okay. I could feel this truth deep down.

Sure, every pregnancy is different. I was told this countless times. “But this feels really different,” I kept repeating to friends and family, at a loss of what else to say.

As a health professional, who is very in tune with her body, I knew this time was wildly different from both of my other pregnancies. I couldn’t take a deep breath, my lungs struggling against some intangible resistance, and I couldn’t read bedtime stories without my heart racing. Every time I climbed the stairs in our home to retrieve a child from naptime or to help with brushing teeth, I would gasp for air.

In all of my adult life, I’ve never been sidelined from exercise. Not after having either of my other sons and not after being hit by a car. At these crossroads, I carefully scaled back my fitness efforts, focused on reducing inflammation, and moved my body through gentle, therapeutic exercises. During this pregnancy though, I could barely do anything. I felt crippled and perpetually exhausted, like life itself was invisibly seeping out from my pores, escaping me.

I told myself it’s all worth it for a healthy baby.

But…what happens when we don’t get our happy ending? What happens when our plans become undone? Or worse yet, what becomes of us when loss and grief strike with the force of a wrecking ball to the jaw?

 

 

That’s where I landed this pregnancy: At the pit of loss. The valley of the shadow of death. The mysterious somewhere between here and there, the intersection of heaven and earth, the place of struggle between shattered dreams and hope. The great purgatory of life where, at our worst moments, we must find the strength to pull ourselves up and out, despite being exhausted to our bones and filled inside with the stuff of nightmares.

I had already experienced loss with a former pregnancy that took place before the conception and birth of my second son. That miscarriage filled me with sadness and dashed hope, but I managed to put myself back together rather quickly, all things considered, and was soon thereafter filled with a complicated mixture of excitement and anxiety when I became pregnant again.

The impending nature of this loss felt different given what we had learned. It felt anticipated, agonized over, feared, and maybe, if I’m being completely honest, like something that might be the safest thing to happen to our child. This impending loss held implications that our child might not have to suffer from complicated surgeries after being born with a slim chance of survival. It would mean that his big brothers would never shed tears and sob into their parents’ arms about something so traumatic that their little-big hearts would strain to understand while simultaneously feeling it deeply. No parent ever wishes to lose a child. When we found out that we had lost our sweet Jake, we broke apart.

 

 

We prayed over our son’s loss with a chaplain at the hospital before surgery. Funeral arrangements were already in place. We felt a sense of peace in the middle of this loss, strange peace, the variety of which only comes from a greater power in the universe. Leading with a spiritual mindset, I prayed and said one last goodbye to my son as my vision went black on the surgery table.

When I woke up, I saw that the clock on the wall was showing a time that was alarmingly late in the day. I expected to wake up nearly four hours earlier than those glaring, sharp red numbers indicated.

What happened? This isn’t right, I recall thinking.

And I assumed correct: Things were definitively not right. 

While still in an anesthesia fog, the surgeon explained to me that I had experienced rare and unexpected medical complications during what is otherwise a routine and short surgery. Although the medical team thought that everything had gone smoothly, I began to bleed excessively. The doctors tried to find the source of bleeding but faced the grim truth that the bleeding was internal and the only way to get it under control was through emergency abdominal surgery. 

My throat felt tight and dry from being intubated as I regained consciousness and blinked at those red clock numbers. I groggily repeated the same questions over and over again to the surgeon, trying to grasp the reality of what had just happened. The doctor kept explaining to me that an artery and one of my fallopian tubes had ruptured and that I now had stitches from my naval to pelvis, both internal and external. As I looked down at my body I noticed large needles secured into veins on both hands from blood transfusions.

Minutes away from a hysterectomy, they said, but thankfully it was averted at last minute. 

Almost a hysterectomy? Potentially life-threatening blood loss? Emergency open surgery? My mind was in a panic. I tried to sit up straight in the recovery room only to be pulled backwards onto the hospital bed with the unbelievable force of a thunderous headache. 

The complications were so much for me to mentally and emotionally process that I briefly forgot about the grief we had been feeling. When it finally resurfaced, I felt like I might not be able to breathe. It felt like my entire life was ending and beginning, all at once.

My recovery nurse at the hospital said, “We’re going to take it one hour at a time, sweetie. Today is your day one.” And somehow, that’s exactly what it felt like. I was no longer the same woman – not emotionally, physically or even spiritually. I had been stripped down and given the chance to rebuild myself from the deepest parts of grief and loss.   

The rebuilding part is all very fresh and new…and painful. But, as an eternal optimist, I know that I will find a way to rise up from this, bearing in mind what I have learned through the years about the intricate web of wellness and how it steers the healing process. Although it’s a long story, and one I’m not ready to share in detail, there was a period of time both right before and after the surgery when I felt so much connection with the universe; with God; with a higher power calling me to lean into faith and trust. 

I can’t say with any measure of confidence that every bad thing that happens in life has profound meaning or a silver lining. I don’t believe that rock solid faith equates to good outcomes for a person. Sometimes, bad things simply happen to good people and there’s no sense or reason to it. Lives can be derailed and sometimes tragically never get back on the tracks.

But when the busy and self-centered nature of our lives fades to the background, and when all the noise is just so…noisy…that suddenly it sounds far off in the distance…in that place of great tragedy, I have felt that there is a hidden presence. A great comforter. Something – or someone – that is there, despite all logic and denial. And it is enough.   

“How is it enough?” You might ask. 

I can’t claim to have the explanation. It’s something that is simply felt; a raw and honest truth that is born from deep within, whispering to us that we are beautiful. We are loved. We are safe.

Contrary to logic, my husband and I have also felt glimmers of joy in the middle of this season of suffering… Not because we wanted to lose a child or felt relieved of all grief because he would never experience pain. Joy doesn’t come from those horrors… 

 

 

True, unbridled, unexpected joy openly presented itself to us through the love and compassion that we received from those who walked through this tragedy with us.

Thanks to loved ones checking on us, we felt glimmers of hope on the other side of exhausting, anxiety-riddled nights spent tossing and turning in our beds, awaiting whatever the future might hold. Friends who sent thoughtful gifts and messages of support from far and near helped us feel a little less lonely and scared while we sat at the doorstep of loss in the midst of an already-very-lonely pandemic. Because of social distancing no one ever stepped into my kitchen to hug me tightly while I cried, but it felt like they did, just the same. The love was so palpable and tender. So near.

Genuine compassion is rare…and we recognized in the middle of our deepest hurt that what we were receiving from others was one of the truest gifts possible in this short life of ours. For this, we are eternally grateful. Not everyone experiencing grief and loss has a solid support system. I know there are many lonely, hurting people out there in the world. To all of these people, and in particular, to women walking through an unexpected season of child loss from any reason – miscarriage, stillbirth, ending a wanted pregnancy, infant loss, or the death of a child at any age, young or old, I hope you know that a hidden presence exists near your suffering. You’re never truly alone.  

 

 

I’m battling fatigue from all this trauma alongside feelings of anxiety and grief every time that I catch a glimpse of the newly-forming scar in the center of my stomach. I know that there is a lot of work to do; physically to recover, mentally to become whole again, and spiritually to persevere and allow my scar to slowly…somehow…become beautiful. Today, my healing incision serves as a reminder of one of the hardest times of my life. It’s easy to resent the sight of it. But, as one who has recovered from trauma before, I know that pain can become beautiful. It’s peculiar how life can happen like that. And I know that wellness of all kinds is necessary for facilitating the metamorphosis. 

So, off I crawl…

Off I fly.

 

“Wounds don’t heal the way you want them to, they heal the way they need to. It takes time for wounds to fade into scars. It takes time for the process of healing to take place. Give yourself that time. Give yourself that grace. Be gentle with your wounds. Be gentle with your heart. You deserve to heal.” -Dele Olanubi

 

Yours in health and wellness,

Maggie 

 

 

 

 

 

What You Need to Know About Wellness in 2020

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This year is not going according to plan. We’re halfway through and needless to say, nothing is as we expected. First, a failed impeachment of the President of the United States followed quickly by a novel virus that has brought destruction and changed the way of life around the globe. Most recently, a brand new era for the civil rights movement has taken hold in America and other countries too. Change is in the air. It’s stressful and emotional for everyone involved, but there are promising whispers of a better future, if you listen closely. We are learning and growing every day, but it takes work, time and vulnerability. With our energy pouring out to so many different things right now, we must pause to ask ourselves:

How do I keep myself sound of health in body and mind during such a uniquely difficult time in history?

 

 

Well, here’s the thing…

Wellness can look and feel very different in one person’s life versus another’s. Our self-care routines and preferences all look different. Our spiritual desires and practices greatly vary. Some people love healthy home-cooked meals and invest in all-natural cleaning products while others scoff at spending $20 on a pound of organic wild-caught salmon, or flat-out can’t afford it.

I’m not here to prescribe a list of self care habits for your every day life, nor am I advocating that everyone should start a running program, eat flax seeds every morning, and add collagen to your smoothie mixes. And actually, wellness isn’t any of these things.

Wait, wellness isn’t a routine of working out five times a week? It’s not meditating for 10 minutes right after waking up at 5:00 am each day? It’s not a vegan diet? Or keeping track of my calories and steps with a FitBit?

Nope.

The components of wellness can vary according to person, age, time, place and situation. The only two things that consistently define wellness are flexibility and growth.

Wellness is an ongoing lifelong process, a never-ending journey of balancing mental/physical/spiritual health, and it takes vulnerability to see where we need to grow and change. It requires learning from our past, taking action in the moment, and moving forward with mindfulness. In a lot of ways, wellness is *exactly* the journey we must inwardly take through these uncertain times.

Take me for example…

I spent much of last week pouring over videos and social media posts of the heinous crimes committed against black people. I empathized and grieved every day, often finding myself distracted from caring for my children and full of despair. Like many white people, I finally fully identified my privilege for what it is and ran head first into my ignorance about just how systemic racism is. I can only imagine the tremendous grief abound in the black community given the weight of my small glimpse of it. The enormity of the emotions took a toll on my immune health. Yup, just one week of opening my heart to the raw pain fueling the civil rights movement caused me to go so high on the stress scale that my immune system tanked from excess cortisol, disturbed sleep and, admittedly, a few too many heavy pours of wine in an unhealthy attempt to calm my nerves. To think that some people must live in a high-stress state all the time is gut-wrenching and heartbreaking.

(Note: I do NOT want to make this “about me” nor do I want to distract from black voices and platforms at this pivotal moment in history – please feel and listen with your hearts to the Black Lives Matter movement on matters of racism.)

Has anyone else shared my experience this year? The experience of fight-or-flight, adrenal overdrive, fear, anxiety, pain, confusion, guilt, shame, denial and so many other negative emotional experiences that drive our health off the road and into the gutter? I’m pretty sure most of us have experienced something profoundly hard at one point or another.

 

 

But here’s the invitation we have…

Bend and flex. Open up. Grow.

We can move through 2020 with our heads down, teeth gritted and foreheads stuck in a frown. Or…we can move through 2020 becoming increasingly aware of how to care for our mental, physical and spiritual health so that 2020 becomes a year marked by growth and strength in the midst of what sometimes feels like chaos.

When we look at our flaws constructively, with a vulnerable willingness to change, then we can start to take action on both a societal and personal level to better ourselves and the world around us.

Like I said, too often people define wellness by “the things” that are actually under its umbrella (ex: exercise, meditation, nutrition, sleep, etc) instead of taking a step back to see wellness for what it is; an evolving sense of self coupled with self-love actions.

Hear me when I say…

Your body wants your self-awareness more than it needs another broccoli floret.

Your mind craves peace more than scouring the web for answers to all your problems.

Your soul needs authentic love for growth more than a regimented meditation routine.

I have my moments of feeling anxious and slipping up too (read: too much wine), but we have a choice to move on from the 2020 weight gain and stress spirals. We have the opportunity to live bravely through uncertain times. We have the chance to stay flexible and GROW more than ever before.

 

 

And as a side note, if you want advice and resources for “the things” that fit under the wellness umbrella (ex: workout advice, product reviews, nutrition tips, discounts, etc) then I invite you to hop over here to sign up for my *free* monthly newsletter.

Yours in health and wellness,

Maggie